


Say you won't let go

by twentysevenclub



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anxiety, BAMF Ginny Weasley, BAMF Hermione Granger, BAMF Pansy Parkinson, Blaise Zabini is a Good Friend, Bottom Draco Malfoy, Bullying, Dom/sub Undertones, Draco Malfoy Needs a Hug, Draco Malfoy is Clueless About Muggle Things, Eating Disorders, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Fred Weasley Lives, Good Draco Malfoy, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Lucius Malfoy Being an Asshole, M/M, Not Beta Read, Not Canon Compliant, Panic Attacks, Pansy Parkinson is a Good Friend, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Harry Potter, Sad Draco Malfoy, Self-Harm, Short Draco Malfoy, Soft Draco Malfoy, Suicide Attempt, Top Harry Potter, but super light, this sound so dark but I promise is nice
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:53:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 35,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27571840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twentysevenclub/pseuds/twentysevenclub
Summary: Where Harry wonders what's going on inside Draco's mind and what he finds is not what he expected.Or where Draco is a mess and Harry is used to fixing other people messes.SLOW UPDATES CAUSE COLLEGE IS NO FUNBasically, me giving Draco de redemption HE DESERVES and hurting my feelings while doing so because I'm a sucker for angst.Also english is not my first language and I'm at college so bear with me pleaseee. And no beta read, we die like women.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, Luna Lovegood/Ginny Weasley, Pansy Parkinson/Blaise Zabini
Comments: 45
Kudos: 214





	1. Everything I wanted

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so, this whole thing started because I went down the rabbit hole Dracotok is. So yeah, enjoy this story where I'm portraying my depression onto Draco and giving him the redemption he deserves. Also, this is not canon-compliant, I'm going to rewrite a couple of details and stuff but since Harry Potter was written by an anonymous author I don't think they'll mind.  
> Thanks for reading! kudos and comments are appreciated.

**Quickly disclaimer: Fred lives because I fucking love him, I don't like Dumbledore because he could've handled things way better than he did, also Snape is not a hero, his "love" for Lily is creepy and he did NOT deserve a redemption arc. Chapter song: Everything I wanted by Billie Eilish**

It has been a month since he last saw Draco Malfoy, and he was pretty sure that if Narcissa didn't send him a letter begging for his help he wouldn't have seen him again at all. But he couldn't deny that he was glad she did, because, in the end, her words reminded him of what Molly had said to Sirius once.

 _"He's just a boy"_ and yes, they were only boys, they both had to do what they needed to survive but after he saw Draco at his trial he wondered if he was trying to survive at all. His once perfect silver hair was unattended, his grey eyes were too dark and his skin looked sickly pale. He remembers him just nodding and waiting for it to end, not a single drop of hope in his face, not even when Harry started to tell the ministry that Draco has saved his life two times.

In the end, Narcissa got house arrest for 2 years, Lucius was sentenced to Azkaban for 4 years and Draco was on probation, thanks to McGonagall he got the chance to go back to finish his studies, the fact that one mistake was enough to put him on Azkaban was not said but definitely implied. So when the 31st of August came the feeling that maybe this year was going to be a good one was slightly disturbed by the fact that Draco was going to be there, and the mark of his forearm was a constant reminder of the hell everyone has been through.

And of course, Harry knew that the mark had nothing to do with Draco, but then again he spent the last 9 years hating him so he needed reassurance that testifying had been the right choice. But when he asked Luna her reasons to testify in his favour she just gave him one of her loopy smiles and shrugged saying that they were not the only ones who had survived a war. Fred told him that Draco saved his life by recasting the unforgivable to the one who had cast it. And Ginny said that he was always trying to protect the little ones and never told anyone where they were hiding even though he totally knew.

So when the morning came by, despite not sleeping almost nothing, he decided that maybe he could be friends with the git… Befriending Draco Malfoy, he almost laughed at the thought but then he sighed, he couldn't deny that there were a lot of questions he always wanted to ask him. Like why he saved him that night at his manor or why he threw his hand to him when he came back from death. Or maybe there was still a lot of guiltiness inside of him from that day at the bathroom where Harry almost killed him or a little bit of anger for not receiving a "thanks" for saving him at the Room of Requirement. There were many mysteries around Draco Malfoy that in the end being his friend was his best, and only chance, to get some answers.

As soon as he saw his two best friends his thoughts about Malfoy went away and he ran to hug them, even though they saw each other during the summer they ended up going to Australia for a couple of weeks to be with Hermione’s parents.

“You know Ron, being tan is more my thing than yours, I haven’t seen you so burned since that summer you went to Egypt” Harry laughed at his mate and Hermione giggled pecking Ron’s cheek when he pouted.

“I did try to warn him, but he was worse than a little kid refusing to re-apply sunscreen when I say so,” the curly-haired said as they searched for an empty wagon. He honestly wasn’t paying much attention to his surroundings, so it wasn’t a surprise when he bumped into someone, what indeed was a surprise is that someone happened to be Draco Malfoy.

“Sorry” he heard him say and all he could do was nod, but then he actually saw at Malfoy and something inside him felt tight and uneasy, he looked even worse than on his trial, and Harry honestly wondered how hadn’t he fall when they collide. Not expecting an answer the blonde started to walk again, he looked so lost, it kind of reminded him of his first year not knowing what to do, if it wasn’t because of Ms Weasley maybe he wouldn’t have made it to Hogwarts, so with that memory on his mind he reached for Malfoy’s wrist startling the boy.

“Why don’t you come to sit with us?” He asked, not really wanting to look at Hermione’s nor Ron’s faces “the wagon is big enough and it would be a waste if only us 3 use it”

“Yeah, c’mon, the more the merrier,” said Ron with a small smile and Draco nodded slowly not really knowing what was going on but letting Harry guide him inside.

Harry continued the chat they were having in an attempt to make things less awkward, and they managed to get back to normal until Malfoy coughed lightly in an attempt to catch their attention.

“I… I’m sorry for being horrible to you all these years, I don’t know why you’re being kind to me but if this is a joke I would rather to just be hexed already” His voice trembled too much and it was painfully soft to believe this was Malfoy speaking.

“The war is over Malfoy, everyone is trying to move on, and so does we so maybe we should call it a truce and try to know each other and then decide if you were really a git or not,” said Ron to everyone’s surprise “also, you saved my brother’s life, so I can’t really hate you for that”

“Yeah, I mean, it’s gonna be awkward and all, but I believe this year should be a fresh start for everyone, including you Malfoy, you called me mudblood, I broke your nose, and so on so… it might be nice to have someone to study with for once,” said Hermione offering him a small smile

“I’m sorry for calling you that, it was uncalled for and maybe if I would’ve been brighter I would’ve realized that repeating all the things my father said about how someone’s worth is measured by the purity of their blood was such a toxic thing to do” he replied with a little bit more of confidence.

Harry was about to talk when the trolley lady came to offer sweets, at which Ron smiled begging Harry to do the same thing he did in the first year, so a couple of minutes later their wagon was filled with all kinds of sweets. Hermione began scolding Ron for eating so fast and so many sweets, saying that he was going to get cavities, Harry saw a small smile in Malfoy’s face and that made him smile as well.

“Want one? There’s plenty, although you should hurry if you like something in special before Ron’s hands get to it” he said laughing and Malfoy looked at him with curious eyes and nodded.

“Is there any chocolate cauldrons?” He asked after thinking it for a bit and Harry nodded handing him one, the blonde took it and, even though Harry knew he was trying to hide it, Malfoy’s hands were shaking too much to be passed as nervousness failing at opening the box. Harry took another box opening it and taking two before handing it to him.

“I didn’t realize this one was already opened, a pet peeve of mine is opening something new when you still have some left,” said with chuckle popping the chocolates into his mouth and continued to talk with Ron about their trip to Australia.

The rest of the trip was uneventful, mostly Ron complaining about the heat and how glad he was back home where the Sun didn’t try to burn him 24/7, Hermione asking Draco if he started to study for their

NEWTs and Harry telling them about his awful handiness when it came to fixing things. Soon it was time to change to their clothes and then they were waiting for a carriage to take them.

“You are a horrible person Draco Malfoy, how dare you?” a voice shouted and you could hear it come closer each word “how dare you to leave me alone with Blaise being quiet most of the time because he was reading his stupid book and Theo being an asshole as he always is! If it wasn’t for Daphne I would be death from boredom” Pansy hit Malfoy’s shoulder as she finished, Harry saw a girl grabbing Parkinson and telling her about not hurting the boy.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t find you right away and they offered to share with me” explained the blond with a quiet voice while rubbing his shoulder.

“Potter,” said Pansy, looking at him with a look full of suspicion and all Harry could do was wave at her with an awkward smile at what she rolled her eyes and took Malfoy walking about dragging the boy with her.

Harry's eyes watch the scene not knowing what to do because one part of him said ‘let him go, you’re not even friends’ and the other part said ‘well yeah, and if you let him go you might never be friends to bloody idiot’. But his hopes were restored when Draco turn his head back and mouthed a ‘thank you’ with a smile and continued to walk with his friends.

“Honestly, she scares me, not more than Hermione but still,” said Ron and they all laughed joining Neville on a carriage learning all the cool stuff he learned this summer and how he was stopped at the streets by people telling him he was a hero.

The sorting took longer than the trio expected considering that no more 4 months ago there was a war, but Harry was happy to see that Hogwarts was still a home for a lot of people, the feast was full of chatter in all the tables, cutlery noises and a couple of scares from the first year’s due headless Nick appearances through the table.

Without putting much thought into it he let his eyes wandered at the hall, seeing new and old faces, a mix of happiness and nostalgia filled him and when his eyes landed on Malfoy he almost laughed thinking about all the times he had searched the boy in that table in a whole lot different circumstances, what he didn’t expect was that a pair of grey eyes were already looking at his and not daring to look away he let himself look at the boy for a third time today. His cheekbones were too pronounced and his face was adorned by ugly purple bruises around his eyes, his hair was slightly curly and no one needed to know that he preferred it that way than with tons of gel and straight. When the blonde looked away Harry also noticed the lack of food on Malfoy’s plate and the way Pansy was scolding him while serving him a piece of turkey at which Malfoy scolded but started to eat nevertheless.

“If I may have the attention of all the students please,” said McGonagall and with that, he stopped looking at the Slytherin table setting his eyes on the old woman, he still couldn’t believe that she was the new headmaster but it made him feel so safe because she was like her second mother, after Molly of course, in this life. “I hope you’ve all enjoyed the feast, I wanted to welcome you all to Hogwarts and I hope you start to see it as your second home. The rules have stayed almost the same, curfew still applies, no wondering on the forbidden forest, and no bullying allowed. We’re all trying to move on and holding old grudges is not a way of doing it, which is why you are going to be provided of two mind healers, it’s not obligatory to attend with them but I would certainly advise it if you were part of the battle or if you feel like talking with someone. Also, to improve our house unity you may sit wherever you want during meals, only the first and last day of school you are required on your houses table. With that being said, if the prefects can guide the students to their dorms please, eight years please stay behind for a moment”.

It took 10 minutes to finally clear the space and that is when Harry realized that only 5 Slytherin’s had come back, 11 Ravenclaws, 5 Hufflepuffs and 8 Gryffindors. Not bad, honestly, he thought it would be fewer people considering the circumstances, and he actually expected that the Ravenclaws outnumbered them.

“As you may know a lot of reconstruction has been made in the castle, and I sadly have to inform you that your respective houses have no space for you, so you’ll get your own common room, we tried to make it a place where everyone will be comfortable, as you are legally adults you’re free to go to Hogsmeade every weekend, the curfew is extended to 12 am and your classes are already sorted out. Please don’t make me regret treating you as grownups” she said with a soft smile and sighed “if there are no doubts please follow me”

The common room was behind a pretty portrait, where the lady was very nice, the password was Novis inittis which made everyone smile and on the inside, it felt cosy which was nice for the Hufflepuffs and Gryffindors because it reminded them of their own dorms, but it was also neat and with a lot of places to sit and hang out or study.

“The rooms are already distributed and no, there are no changes, so I hope you sleep well and once again, welcome home” with that McGonagall leaves the room and the others start to move around exploring the place and so.

“I mean, is not the Gryffindors common room but we’ll make it work,” said Seamus and Harry had to agree with it, because in the end all these changes were happening and the faster they make it work the better.

“At least we are not rooming with the Death eater, can you imagine? I have doing protection charms” he overheard a Ravenclaw and his blood boiled immediately looking at Draco who looked hurt but tried to hide it but continue to talking with Zabini. Harry sighed, maybe they don’t have to get used to _all_ the changes, because some of them were wrong.

“Our roommates are not bad, we got Neville, a Hufflepuff guy and Draco,” said Ron excited as he guided Harry to their dorm, quickly claiming the bed on the centre so he could have harry on the left and Neville on the right, who had already claimed his bed. The Hufflepuff guy, whose name was Jackson chose the bed next to Neville which meant Draco was going to be next to him. It kinda made him excited, but as soon as he put on his pyjamas all the emotions he felt that day crashed and he felt so tired that maybe that night he would sleep without waking up every 3 hours, even though it was all over sometimes his mind didn’t think so as well, he didn’t get nightmares as much as he used to, but he was still easily triggered by small things that only Ron and Hermione knew the reasons behind them, but he was okay with it. Because he just survived a war, and it was okay to not be okay, he found good coping mechanisms thanks to his friends and family, he was healing so it bothered him that Draco Malfoy was just surviving.

But that was something to deal tomorrow, for now, he just let himself sleep.


	2. Blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where we learn about the bruises in Malfoy's face and Pansy decides that maybe having the golden trio around is not as bad as it sounds.  
> Or where Harry begins to wonder whether things would've been different if he had shaken his hand with Draco in the first year.  
> Chapter song: BLUE by Troye Sivan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, I’m really excited, also sorry for the mistakes, I try to proofread but English is not my first language and I’m way too sleep-deprived. Also, the amount of research I've done for this story is unreal, I don't even put that much effort at college.

The first thing Harry noticed when he woke up is how pretty the room looked with the daylight entering from the window, he also noticed that Neville was gone and the Hufflepuff guy was still sleeping. Rubbing his eyes he cast a tempus noticing it was early, breakfast was just starting and he wondered why Hermione hasn’t come to wake Ron and him up yet, but when he noticed Ron’s bed was open he figured the couple wanted to have some time alone. Sighing he begins to change to his robes and that’s when he realized Draco must still be asleep.

It’s still quite early, but maybe Malfoy had a long routine or something, so he approached the bed quietly, and when he parted the curtains slightly he noticed how peaceful the blond looks asleep, the bruise is now looking green-ish in some parts meaning it was healing. Harry caught himself smiling a little and decided to wake up the boy before going to meet with his friends.

“Hey,” he said softly “is already morning, and breakfast already started if you wanted to come down with me to the great hall” the boy wakes up and the fear of his eyes pained Harry, it took a couple of seconds for Draco to realize where he was and when he locked his grey eyes with Harry green ones he visibly relaxed and nodded.

It took them about ten minutes to finish getting ready and arriving at the Great Hall, once there Draco mumbles a ‘thanks’ and hurried to meet with Parkinson, so he decided to do the same with his friends.

“For a second I thought yesterday was a fever dream, but I guess we did spend the whole ride with the git and didn’t die,” said Ron and Hermione elbowed him making him gasp “hey! I’m not saying anything wrong! I’m just getting used to the new normal Mione, geez you have such skinny elbows that really hurt!”

Harry started to laugh and begin serving milk in a glass and deciding whether he fancied something salty or sweet for breakfast.

“Hello,” a dreamy voice said from behind, Luna’s hand was intertwined with Ginny’s. “How was the ride? I didn’t see you guys yesterday” she continued as the two girls sat beside Hermione. Ron began to tell them about the ‘madness’ their return to Hogwarts has been and that's when Harry's eyes locked with Ginny’s, he couldn’t help but smile at her and she did the same soon returning to pay attention to the chat.

Many people, and by people he meant The prophet, said a lot of things about his relationship with the younger Weasley, from ‘young love never works’ to ‘the ginger girl left the chosen one after deciding he wasn’t so special anymore’. In the end, they broke up because it felt too weird, before the war they realized so and that’s when Ginny and Luna started to kick off, so when he returned they both were relieved when they agreed that their relationship was more on the brother-sister side than in the ‘let’s get married and have kids’.

“I don’t care what you want Draco if I’m telling you we are going to sit there is because we’re fucking sitting there,” Pansy said and practically made Draco sit next to Harry, the boy offered an apologetic look to the rest of the table and that’s when Harry decided to look to the scary girl.

“Hello, Draco here says you’re friends and as weird this situation is the Slytherin table is being too stupid for their own good so you’ll have to deal with us” she explained filling two plates with random food and putting one in front of Draco and one in front of her. “Nice to see you, Luna, those are really pretty earrings, do they keep the nargles away too?” she asked as if she and the girl were lifetime friends, and honestly maybe they were considering that Pansy had many friends outside Slytherin and Luna liked to talk to whoever listened to her without making fun of her.

“Oh no, they’re to repel the Gulping Plimpy’s, such cute creatures but they like to nibble on your feet if you want to swim” she answered with a smile and then turn her look to the boy sitting next to Harry “oh Draco, where did you get that bruise from? Seems a pretty nasty one, do you want me to heal it? I once healed Harry’s nose and it turned out just fine”

“It’s okay, it doesn’t hurt and it’s almost healed anyway, but thank you Luna,” said the boy offering her a small smile and continued to stare at the plate in front of him.

“Eat,” Pansy said when he noticed it and continued her talk with Hermione about her time in muggle Paris and if she knew how to properly use the eyelash curler because when she tried she had to regrew her eyelashes.

Soon it was time to leave for their first class and since the eight years had pretty much the same schedule they began to walk to the 3rd floor for Charms. The fact that Draco’s plate was untouched was a detail only Harry noticed and it bothered him a lot, but they were not friends yet and he didn’t want to ruin his chances over an unfinished breakfast.

* * *

It was already quite late, past 12 Harry figured, there were only him and a Ravenclaw guy who was finishing a letter to send tomorrow, or so he heard. But soon it was only Harry in front of the fireplace, it was one of those nights where sleep was hard to conceal, thankfully he was passed over the flashbacks and feeling guilty over everything that happened, he saw a mind-healer during summer. At first, it was to shut up Hermione but after the second session he actually began to feel a lot better, he discovered a lot of things about himself and came in peace with the idea that he was put on a position where he had no choice, and that he did the best he could and no one blamed him, so why was he blaming himself?

Soon his thoughts were interrupted by steps, if the room wasn’t so quiet he wouldn’t have heard them, but he did so he turn his head to see who was it. When he recognized the frail figure of his roommate he said a quiet ‘hi’, the blond barely acknowledges it but begin to come close to Harry anyways.

“Couldn’t sleep?” Harry asked once Draco was sitting beside him, the boy shook his head and that’s when he noticed how bad he was trembling, his eyes we slightly unfocused and he seemed to flinch at every noise that was heard. “Are you okay?” The green-eyed boy saw Malfoy tense at the question and gave him time not pressing him for an answer, which the boy thanked, so when a pale hand reached his tanned one he understood that it was not a good time for having a conversation, but that company was appreciated.

So they spent several minutes that way, not quite holding hands but touching each other. He saw Draco calm down a little, his trembling not so bad anymore but still present, and his face wasn’t full of fear but just expecting for something to happen. So Harry took his hand and pull him a little, the fact that Draco let him was enough encouragement for embracing the boy.

“I know you’re not okay, and that’s okay. We don’t have to talk if you don’t want to, and if you do I can wait until you can” He whispered and smiled when he noticed that the blond hugged him back beginning to sob softly. Harry doesn’t know how long they lasted like that, at some point, his hand started to pet Draco’s hair and soon they were laying down on the sofa, Draco slightly on top of him. He wasn’t crying anymore but Harry assumes that this was something the boy was craving so he didn't say anything to disrupt the peace.

When he felt the boy’s breathing even out he sighed, he considered the option of waking him up and getting back to their beds, but the peaceful look he had on his face made him decide otherwise. He started to feel pretty tired as well, so adjusting the small blanket he had put over them Harry opted to close his eyes as well, whatever had to happen it was a problem for another time.

**So this whole chapter was written with Blue by Troye Sivan in a loop, so excuse me if you tear up as I did. And if you haven’t teared up yet just imagine Harry singing _“I know you're seeing black and white, so I'll paint you a clear blue sky, without you I am colour-blind it's raining every time I open my eyes”_ and that’ll do the trick.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thoughts? suggestions? ideas?  
> Please comment or I'll be sad, kudos are always appreciated and see you next time!


	3. Borderline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Were Draco receives a letter from home and we learn a little bit about his sixth year.  
> Or were Harry founds Malfoy at the Astronomy tower and secrets get revealed.
> 
> Chapter song: Borderline by Tove Styrke

**I do remember an interview or something like that about the fact that being part of the LGBT community was seeing not something to be prejudiced, as we know prejudices were held onto blood purity and magical prowess, so yeah. Just reminding y’all so that what’s coming next makes a little bit more sense.** **Also TW for blood, anxiety and panic attacks and suicidal thoughts.**

“How many galleons do you think we can make if we take a photo?” said a voice before he heard another ‘click’ that makes him open his eyes.

“I think Harry can give us more to avoid our blackmail” answered Seamus not noticing Harry was already awake.

“I won’t give you any money, now, if you don’t want to wake up bold give me that photo,” he said jokingly and the two jumped in surprise.

“You’re no fun, and anyways, what are you doing in here if you don’t want people to be taking pictures of you, be glad Dean had to send her mom a letter early if not other people would’ve found you two cuddling” and that’s when Harry noticed that Draco was still sleeping on top of him and his limbs were tangled from sleeping together in such a small space. “Wake the git up, it’s almost breakfast time and people are going to start showing up” they both left, and even though they didn’t give him the photo they were right and he had to wake Malfoy up.

“Hey,” he said softly while shaking his shoulder lightly “we fell asleep and you need to get up,” he said a little louder and when he noticed the boy didn’t stirrer at all he knew other measures needed to be taken.

Harry took the blanket off their bodies and tried to sit up, getting surprised when he managed without much struggle, either he was getting stronger with his daily exercises or the other boy was stupidly skinny. He tried to shake him again and finally managed to wake him up, it took him a couple of seconds to understand the situation and when he did, he practically jumped off the couch and ran to the dormitories.

At least this was something Harry was used to, Malfoy running away, it gave him a little bit of comfort considering how off his behaviour has been since they met again. Sighing he cracks his neck and promised himself no never fell asleep in such an uncomfortable position ever again, deciding it was still early he figured he could take a shower before heading to breakfast. Gosh, he was starving.

The week passed as normal as it could be, he did retrieve the photo of him and Draco and no one had to know he kept is on the album Hagrid gave him on his first year. He started to practice quidditch with Ron at the pitch and felt pure happiness for the first time in quite a long time when he was in the air he felt free, like the weight of the whole world was gone from his shoulders, and even though they were not allowed in the team Ginny said they were welcome at practices when those started.

The incident, as he decided to call it, with Malfoy remained unmentioned and other than a few exchange of meaningless words he hadn’t really see him that much, not even in their dorm. For the first time he felt at peace and like a normal teenager, and it felt good but he also missed the adrenaline of being needed for something. So when Sunday night came and Pansy appeared crying her eyes out he did what he knew best, offer his help.

“I just- I haven’t seen him since the letter came! And he said he was going to go for a walk, but he had this look, oh that look” she tried to explain between sobs and too many hand movements “he had the same look that he had on year 6, and I’m so scared because he was doing so good- I promise” and then her words began to make no sense so Blaise step in.

“He received a letter from his mother this morning, and then he had an argument with Nott, so I don’t know what you know or what you’ve heard but I do know that you’ve always managed to find him so please, find him,” he said with a stern voice and continued to comfort Pansy saying that everything was going to be alright.

Harry had always hated when people said that, because sometimes things weren’t going to be alright and that’s how life was, so to be lied to make him feel stupid. But he understood where he was coming from, because he had been there, telling everyone it was going to be okay when he was on the verge of giving up because honestly maybe it wasn’t going to be okay.

Putting the thought away he went to his dorm and grabbed the marauders map “I solemnly swear that I am up to no good” he said pointing his wand to the map and as soon as the names started to appear he began looking for Malfoy’s name. When he found him at the Astronomy tower he felt like vomiting, memories of that day began to invade his mind and he felt an anxiety attack on its way. So he began to control his breathing as his mind healer taught him and when he was calm enough he began his way to the blonde’s location.

“Didn’t know you smoked” was the first thing he said when he saw the boy sitting on the ground with half-a-cigarette between his fingers

“I thought you were over stalking me” answered Malfoy without removing his eyes from the ground, he was shaking and considering the light sweater he was wearing Harry wasn’t surprised.

“May I?” He asked once beside him and Draco just shrugged, so Harry took the invitation, “aren’t you cold?”

“That’s what the cigarette was for” he answered lighting it off against the ground, “how did you found me?”

“I had a hunch, I’m glad I was right,” he said as he began to look around, several minutes passed until he decided to talk again, “I was here that night, you know?” he saw Malfoy tense in the corner of his eye and waited for him to say something but when that didn’t happen he let himself continue “Dumbledore petrified me and hid me with the invisible cape, I saw the desperation in your eyes and even if I didn’t understand it then now I know that you were just a pawn in a game way bigger than us, so when you saved me those two times I was so confused and tried to still hate you, but in the end, I couldn’t do it because you were just a kid like I-“

“Three times, I saved your life three times” the grey-eyed boy interrupted him and connected his eyes with his “not that we’re counting but yeah…”

“Three? I only remember that day at the manor and when you threw you wand to me on the final battle.”

“The second year, who do you think sent Dobby? Obviously, my plans failed and you ended up here and almost got killed but yeah, after that I stopped trying because our relationship got pretty bad and I saw no point in it, until the summer after 4th year were everything went downhill and there was nothing I could’ve done to help you except keep up with the act of hating you and everyone who wasn't a true pureblood, obviously blood traitors didn't count” Draco finished with a dry laugh and hugged himself, either trying to warm up a little or to comfort himself.

“Did you ever wondered why I tried everything I could to be back at Hogwarts every year? No matter how many times I was almost murdered?”

“Because you were the chosen one and liked the attention?” suggested Malfoy with a tone of sarcasm that made Harry smile.

“I won’t lie and say I didn’t enjoy the attention from time to time, but most Hogwarts became my home from the moment I put a step on it, it is still my home, to be honest, I dreaded coming back with my muggle relatives so much that at some point I remember thinking that maybe getting killed wasn’t such a bad idea anymore” Harry’s voice was shaky and he knew he was on the verge of crying, but it felt so good to tell this to someone other than his therapist that he didn’t care about the consequences of it. “I mean, now that everything is over I don’t think like that anymore, I have bad days where everything gets too much or I have nightmares about things ending up different, but I think I’m getting better so I don’t think I ever wanted to die but rather I just wanted a break of existing, you know?”

“More than you know” Draco mumbled catching Harry by surprise “do you want to read it? The letter, I know Pansy told you” so he just nodded and accepted the letter the boy hands him.

_Dear Draco,_

_I hope you’re getting used to your last year, I saw you took Muggle studies as an optative and I must tell you your father and I feel deeply ashamed of that, but since you’re too stubborn we’re going to let it pass._

_I’ve been informed that you’re not in the dorms of Slytherin anymore and given the circumstances there’s nothing we can do about it, so I hope you still keep up we the values that were taught to you and do not make mistakes as in the past._

_In other news, even though we’re facing a new world, there’s no need to lose the old traditions which is why we decided to accept the proposition of the Nott family of starting the courting, as you may know, they set them free for the lack of evidence that related them with the Dark Lord so it’s a deal that we can both benefit from it._

_If you need a reason to not mess this up I shall just remind you on how we deal with disappointments in this family, and how much good that has brought you._

_Love_

_Narcissa Malfoy_

“I attempted to throw myself out from this tower several times before, but I guess I was just too coward to do it… I still am, but now I can just pay someone to push me and then everything will just be done” said Draco when Harry lowered the letter “can you imagine the header at the prophet? ‘Ex-death eater killed on the same spot he tried to murder his old headmaster’ or ‘Ex-death eater kills himself out of guiltiness’ I don’t know which one is better” he continued, attempting to laugh, but instead he broke down crying. “I just want everything to stop, I don’t want to get married to Theodore Nott, I don’t want to be the perfect little boy, I don’t want to be a Malfoy or the Slytherin prince, I just want to be me even if I don’t know who I am” ugly sobs interrupted every third word he said but it was like he didn’t even noticed, same at the way his nails dig his palms, trying to get blood out of them.

“Stop that” was the first thing Harry said, he could deal with the panic after the boy stopped hurting himself “Malfoy, listen to me, I need you to stop doing that,” but it was like he wasn’t even there, the blonds respiration got quicker and he was shaking so much but still digging his nails so hard that warm blood started to come out from it.

Without thinking much Harry took Malfoy’s hands into his own and started to open them carefully, not wanting to freak out more the boy but stopping him from hurting himself further than he had already done. “Hey Draco, can you please look at me? Just for a moment please” he asked once he had secured both of his hands and his green eyes met the grey ones, they were full of fear, confusion and exhaustion but at least he had managed to make eye contact “Thank you, you’re doing so well, now, can you try and copy my breathing Draco? I need you to try it, we don’t want you passing out, do we?” he said softly and Draco shake his head trying to do as told.

After 10 minutes of reassurance and several failed attempts he finally managed to calm the boy, his shaking was no longer from the attack but from the cold, so after asking him is he was feeling better he took his robe off, putting it around the smaller boy, smiling at the sight of it basically swallowing the blonde.

The spent a little bit more time in the tower until it was close to curfew, so they started to be on their way back to the common room, halfway the road Draco paused and stared at Harry. “You called me Draco”.

“Well, that is your name, isn’t it?” Harry answered and they continue to walk in comfortable silence.

“Thank you, Harry,” said Draco hugging him quickly and entering the common room quickly, when Harry entered he was long gone but the missing robe of his was enough for him to agree that that just happened and that maybe he had wanted to hug the boy back.


	4. Through the dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Draco has too many doubts about how muggles live and asks for help,   
> or where Harry finally understands potions and a heart-to-heart conversation ensues.
> 
> Chapter song: Through the dark by 1D

**NOTE: So this is a fluffy chapter, nothing too special, but I needed it to build friendships and give context and stuff for future chapters. Also, I’m in a really happy mood so I wanted to write something happy. ALSO quick disclaimer, I know that the original story is set in the late 90’s/early 2000s but I was like 7 yo when the last book came out so I don’t know how teenagers worked back then (even tho I have an older sister who was a teen back then, but whatever) to save you my loooong rant iPods and cellphones the way we know them NOW exists in this story (not like the iPhone 17 or whatever, but yeah) functional intelligent thingys.**

Professor Slughorn still wondered how Harry managed to be first of his class to the worst potion student he has seen in a while, of course, and all Harry could think about was if the professor knew Seamus he wouldn’t think so low of him but there was no need to put down his friend in order to feel better, after all, he has always sucked at potions and if it wasn’t for the book that shall remain unnamed he would've still sucked at potions on 6th year… among other things, like, I don’t know, NOT being close to killing Draco Malfoy! He sighed, he was pretty sure his potion was about to explode any minute now, so why bother to try and end up making it worse?

“If you add a little bit more of Moondew and stir twice clockwise you might still be able to save it,” said Draco, who has been watching Harry's horrible potion skills for some time now, so Harry took his help as a way of saying "I don't want to end up in the hospital wing again due to a catastrophic potion". So Harry did what told and to his surprise, his potion ended up being okay, not perfect, but okay and that was enough for him.

When the class was finally over Harry followed his friends to the Great hall, he was craving pudding and really hoped the was some tonight. When they found a seat in the Gryffindor table and he saw the pudding he smiled remembering the day he met Luna and started to savour the dish in front of him, nodding occasionally at something Ron said and laughing at Seamus and Dean's stories.

“Hey,” a voice said behind him, and when Hermione invite them to sit he noticed the blonde hair and smiled. “The whole point of fixing your potion was to not make a mess, yet look at you,” Draco said picking up a napkin and cleaning Harry’s cheek like it was a normal thing to do, which maybe was because he didn't felt any judging looks apart from the amused one of Ron.

“Thank you,” the black-haired boy mumbled trying not to blush, it wasn’t a secret that he was bisexual, I mean, having men like Oliver Wood and Cedric Diggory around you made it hard to be straight. But also you got girls like Cho Chang and Ginny Weasley, just thinking about how bad he failed at all his relationships made him smile, he sure hopes he won't mess up with his true soulmate.

“…and maybe you could help Harry with potions, honestly there’s so much I can do after trying all my methods in 6 years!” he heard Hemione finished and when he raised his eyebrow demanding an explanation all he earned was a ‘later’ look from her.

“I mean, I can try, after all, I managed to make Crabbe and Goyle be decent at his classes, Harry shouldn’t be a problem,” said Malfoy, clearly feeling pain from saying the name of his deceased friends but trying to hide it.

And that’s how he ended in the library on a Friday afternoon rather than in the Quidditch pitch with Ron and Ginny, those traitors leaving him with the two nerds in front of him, he could honestly die from this betrayal. But Hermione had already kicked him in the ribs with her elbow two complaints ago, and his best friend was right, she really had boney elbows.

“So, I have to do an essay about eye-pots? Yeah, I think that was it, but I don’t get how they manage to reproduce music, or how it works because they use something called ‘elec-tree-city’ and I’m so confused” said Draco with a pout showing Hermione what he had written so far.

“Oh, yeah, Seamus bought one and I helped him enchant it so he doesn’t need to plug it to electricity” and so she began explaining the whole concept of electricity, the internet and how you download music for you to listen. Draco listed really carefully, writing notes as she spoke trying to not miss any peace of information, and after 1 hour he was done with his work and gave it to Hermione to proofread the new words.

“You know what, I should go to muggle London to buy one of those, I’m tired of hearing Ron’s attempts of singing in the shower,” he says jokingly and Hermione laughs, it’s no secret that Ron sucked at singing, but he didn’t blame the guy when the only artist he knew by hear was Celestina Warbeck. “You could come with me, I bet you would love it, and of course it would help with your class,” he said at Draco with a smile and the blond looked at him in shock.

“I- I would love that, Harry” he answered after a few seconds and then turned his attention back to Hermione who was already telling him his mistakes.

Watching her helping Draco made him understand that maybe he wasn’t a bad student but rather she just sucked at explaining things, Harry couldn’t figure out how Draco was getting all the things she was saying but he and Ron could never keep up with her and her brain.

“Well, apart from that it’s perfect, I’ve never had such a good student, and I hope you have the same lovely experience with this idiot right here. A thing I’ve discovered over the years is that if Ron and he aren’t together they work better, so good luck!” and with that, she left the library leaving just the two boys.

“Do you want to get started on the Calming draught essay? I know is not due until Friday but is better to be on track rather than letting things stack up” Draco said as he opened his potions book and prepared a new sheet of parchment.

Being tutored by Draco Malfoy was a surreal experience, even though he got exasperated at Harry’s lack of knowledge in basic stuff, he never called him idiot nor dumb, instead, he explained it in the easiest way possible and Harry swears if all his teachers were that way he would be the brightest wizard of their generation. The essay took longer than Harry expected, but then again it was the first essay where the words actually made sense, he could kiss Draco at this moment. He was so happy.

“You’re like magic Draco, I swear,” he said as they walked back to their rooms and Draco just laughed telling him to shut up.

They entered the common room together and sat on the couch, it felt so natural that he couldn’t care less about some judgmental looks from some people and if someone had a problem with his friendship with Draco Malfoy they could come and say it to his face.

“And I thought I’ve seen it all,” said Pansy while sitting next to Draco, her eyelashes were curled and he almost smiled at the thought of Hermione teaching her how to use a muggle artefact. Her hair was in the same haircut as always, but shorter than he had ever seen, it suits her.

“Pans, you’re dating Blaise, I swear that was something we thought it wouldn’t be possible” joked Draco and she rolled her eyes “I swear! He’s so cold and masculine and then there is you, with a thousand friends and making out with Daphne every time you got drunk” Harry was shocked from this, he never thought Pansy was bisexual, but he guesses this shock wasn’t interpreted as that because Pansy asked in a very defensive tone if he had a problem with it.

“Oh no, it would be hypocritical of me to judge you when I spent part of my summer shagging boys and girls,” he said pretty casually and Pansy started laughing making him almost misses the deep blush in Draco’s cheeks.

“The great Harry Potter shagging boys and girls, that was something I wasn’t expecting, with the whole ‘saving the world’ crap I’m surprised you got time to do that” she smirked and it was Harry’s turn to laugh.

“I mean, there’s nothing a good wanker can’t fix love” and so they continued to talk in the most normal way, Draco blushing every time even harder than before. But of course, the chill atmosphere had to be ruined by Theodore Nott.

“A word, please?” he asked Draco and after a quick exchange of looks with Pansy, he grabs the boys arm, not wanting to let him go. But, when Malfoy nodded to Nott and offered half a smile to his friends before he left Harry, they both understood that there was nothing he could do to make the other boy understand that he already made the mistake of living to someone else’s expectations once. And honestly, Harry didn’t understand his need of doing it again, but then again, there was a lot he didn’t understand about Draco Malfoy.

“They were good friends once, you know? We all were, but then he became obsessed with you and that childish game you played of being the alpha man or whatever and they started to drift apart, when the summer of 4th year came by Draco felt so lost and when he looked for comfort in Theo he was just left hanging” Pansy said sadly “I’m just letting you know this because I don’t know what your intentions are, you don’t seem like a bad person and I know we owe you our lives and all that jazz, but I swear I would kill you if you hurt him, I don’t care if I end up in Azkaban for the rest of my life, if there’s someone among us who deserves happiness is that stupid boy and if he finds it with the golden trio then let it be it” she sighed and offered him a last smile before leaving the common room.

* * *

“Why do you do it?” was the first thing Harry asked when he saw Draco enter the room, it was past midnight and his other roommates were asleep. The only light was the one coming from the window, the same one Harry was facing, “you do know there’s more than following your parent's expectations, right? That you can be free if you really wanted to.”

“There’s no such thing as freedom for people like me Harry, I screwed up by being on the bad side and now I gotta pay for my sins,” said the boy once he was sitting next to him.

“I just don’t get how you can still follow orders of someone who ruined your life, I sure as hell wouldn’t be following Dumbeldore’s orders after all that happened, no matter how wise he was, it is my life and now that I’m just myself I want to live it as **I** want, you know?”

“Easier said than done, and anyways, Theo is not that bad” Draco answered, his voice shaking, it was like that day at the Astronomy tower hadn’t happened, as if his mental breakdown had been a dream, he truly didn’t understand Draco Malfoy and it was killing him. “And, I mean… my father wasn’t always like that, Azkaban changes people, and I even after that he was okay, didn’t hurt me as much as I deserved to be hurt, you know? I grew up looking forward to being like him, and even though I won’t be able to do so, the least I can do is to live to their standards, my mom deserves to be happy and my father deserves to feel proud-”

“And you? What do you deserve Draco?” Harry interrupted the boy’s rant feeling slightly mad at the fact that he could relate to the other boy so much, and it hurt him deeply because it all made sense now. The reason behind he didn’t heal his wounds, or why he was always flinching at sudden contact or the panic attacks, everything made sense.

“It’s not about what I deserve Harry, just what it is and this is happening whether I like it or not so the least I can do is to not make it difficult, no one likes a difficult person to deal with.”

“You deserve better than you give yourself credit, but I know you won’t believe me no matter how many times I tell you,” Harry said as he stood up from the cold floor offering a hand to Draco to do the same. It took all self-control Harry had to not make a scene when he noticed a recent bruise in the form of a hand around the boy’s wrist, and after a deep breath he let himself say “you know you can talk to me, right?”

“Yeah, I know… but maybe I like the idea you have of me in your mind, and I want you to hold onto that for a little longer” the grey-eyed boy answered realizing Harry’s hand and offering him a small smile before grabbing his pyjamas and heading to the bathroom to change.

And maybe Harry could hold onto that image for a little bit longer, what he didn’t know was if he was doing it to make the other boy happy or because it felt better than not understanding, but when he woke by awful screams a couple of hours later he realized that holding on an idea was a stupid thing to do and that he needs to get close to the boy before everything else became too much for the both of them.


	5. Broken boys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Draco says he's too broken to be fixed   
> Or where Harry casts a patronus when things get too dark.
> 
> Song Chapter: Broken boys - Charlotte Dirckze

**Sooooo, TW for implied suicidal thoughts, panic attacks, implied children-abuse, past non-con, trauma, implied torture and just a sad chapter. Also kind of wholesome story my grandma says that when you feel bad you should braid your hair so when you undo the braid is like letting go that grudge and I don't know, it not always works but I still like to think about it.**

Harry could still hear the screams, it reminded him of that night at the manor where Bellatrix tortured Hermione. He could still feel the taste of vomit in his mouth as Neville asked Draco if he dreamed about the cruciatus curse and Draco just nodded. He could still see the broken face of the boy, sobbing while apologizing to everyone for waking them up, saying he felt really stupid for not remembering the silencing charms and how he screamed his heart out when Harry tries to hold him saying he wasn’t worth it.

It has been 2 weeks since them and Halloween was a couple of days away, Pansy and Hermione grew to be best friends and there have been slight changes in the later girl, and Ron loved it. He’s always telling about how he loves Hermione having more confidence in herself, and how pretty her hair looked since she changed her hairstyle, and how he loved her long nails, and how different she looked with her more fitted uniform.

Hermione loved studying with Draco, she says that the boy is brilliant, she loved learning new things the boy knew and she was actually surprised he was willing to spill ‘pureblood’ secrets with her, she started to learn that dark arts were so interesting and fascinating from a study point of few.

And then there was Harry, who didn’t know what to do, or what to feel for that matter because the image he had of Draco Malfoy was rapidly fading and getting replaced by something new, that made it hard to want to learn the answers of his questions, but he didn’t know what to do with this feeling that kept messing with his head because sometimes he got cold answers from him and sometimes he was able to see Draco in such a vulnerable state that hurt. The nights at the Astronomy tower were common, they both stayed silent most of the time, others they talked about school, but Harry was craving another heart-to-heart conversation with him because in some way he started to see Draco as the person he would’ve ended up being if he were in the ‘bad side’ of the war and that hurt.

“All this nargles around you Harry, I think you kinda wish they would take you to worry away, sadly they just take material stuff,” said Luna sitting next to him, it was a cold afternoon but the view of the lake was nice. “Do you want to talk about it?” she asked with a soft smile and he smiled back.

“I just want to know what I’m feeling, and why am I feeling this way” he answered vaguely and she just nodded, “how do you do it? How do you decide whether someone is worth it before even getting to know them?”

“I don’t know, I just like to watch people when they think no one is watching them, you looked lost, you don’t anymore but you did,” she started to braid her hair “and Draco looked angry all the time, but then he started to look scared and sad and now he just looks broken, like he’s given up, and I know why you’re asking me this because I know that he was a jerk but I don’t think he ever meant the words he said. I don’t believe he trusted his dad way too much and looked up to him and he bullied so many people but in the end, there was someone above him bullying him so… Do you want to know when I forgave him?”

Did Harry want to know? Was he ready for another piece in this puzzle? Remembering the screams and the tears and the fear in Draco’s eyes was enough for Harry to nod at Luna who started to put flowers in her hair.

“It was when I was at the manor, I was not scared, in the end, I knew that we were at war and that could happen. They fed us whenever they remembered and sometimes it got cold, but Draco always tried to sneak more food and some blankets, he got in trouble for that so many times, I still remember his screams and that makes me sad. But he always tried to smile to me, and chat with me sometimes, most of the time they forgot he existed, he always told us he was sorry for everything, and his eyes were so sad.”

“Did you know what they did to him Luna?” she nodded but didn’t say more so he understood that the topic was over and decided to ask her to teach him to braid hair.

* * *

“Do you ever get scared of your own thoughts?” was the first thing Draco said when he felt Harry come up the stairs.

Harry felt uneasy when he saw Draco sitting on the sill of a window in the tower, his feet hanging to the abysm where their old headmaster had fallen, his back was facing him and Harry loved the way Draco’s hair was longer now and slightly wavy, unlike his father’s straight one.

“I do, but I like to cast a patronus and talk to it when I’m having trouble with my thoughts” Harry answered leaning on the wall while putting his elbows at the sill Draco was sitting, “why?”

“Because sometimes I feel like the war is not over like I’m never gonna escape the nightmare,” he sighed, “I tried to continue my life you know? I tried to accept the fact that me a Theo was going to get married but it hurt so much, so much” the boy started to cry, retracting his legs and hugging them in an attempt to comfort himself.

“What hurt, Draco?” and even if Harry had some ideas of what could’ve happened he had learnt to not assume things when he could just ask, but Draco just started to shake his head, the signs of a panic attack where clear so Harry just did whatever came to his mind first, and he cast a patronus lighting up the room. He saw the wide eyes of the blond as he tried to reach it but not really managing to, then he looked at Harry and smiled lightly, he was shaking so much that Harry was scared he was gonna fall, so he reached to Malfoy and when he checked it was okay to touch him he took his hand pulling him slightly so that he was now facing him instead of the abysm. Draco let go his legs and lets them hang from the sill, leaving just enough room for Harry to be between them while he hugged the heck out of the blond.

“He wanted to have sex,” he started, his voice low and raspy from all the crying, his forehead leaned it Harry’s shoulder. “And I was okay with it, I mean, sex is great, you know? But after a few minutes of what he called foreplay, I was not getting the reaction that he expected and he got mad, maybe I’m too broken to feel like that anymore, you know? But he didn’t care, I mean, it’s a miracle my mother managed to make this deal when it’s well known among the followers of the dark lord that all I ever did right was suck dick” he said as he laughed drily.

Harry tightened his grip when he started to see where this story was going, still hoping the was a happy ending to it, but knowing how unfair the world was he started to prepare for the worst because he remembers the handprint-like bruise in Draco’s wrist, and once again his stomach is tied in a knot, but he tries to not show any sign of being uncomfortable because in this vulnerable state Draco would think the reason behind his uncomfortableness was because he thought of him as something dirty and not because he wanted to kill Theodore Not.

“And he let it slide the first time, he grabbed my wrist too hard while throwing me out of the room, but the second time he didn’t and threw a crucio to me, I laughed because he didn’t have that much hate, then again next to my aunt’s or the Dark Lord itself, any crucio feel like tickles” and Harry knew Draco was trying to let it sound like a joke, and Harry really wanted to believe it but remembering what Luna and Neville said he knew he was telling the truth.

They stayed in silence for a little bit, the gree-eyed boy was giving the other boy all the time he might need to continue with his story, the stag still lightning the place.

“But as they say the third is the charm and after giving me a particularly heavy calming draught he did what he must, I tried to let the potion work but it hurt so much, he didn’t care about me crying, I mean… I deserved it, it’s my karma for being on the bad side, and after all, I do enjoy having sex with blokes so-“

“Don’t you ever dare to say that again, do you hear me?” Harry cut Draco off in the middle of his sentence, he was getting so mad at everyone whoever let the boy think that that whit Theo was doing was okay.

“But it is true, I lost my ‘oh so-called virginity’ when I was 14, a Durmstrang friend, and then I was with him and another boy, then I was with a Ravenclaw boy and it was amazing, I loved feeling that way, I know none of them cared about me in a loving way but they were nice enough to at least pretend. And then everything went to shit with the war, things happened that gave me a bad reputation among ‘my people’ and I have to make things right no matter the price I pay, it’s how it works” Draco was calm enough now, he was basically cuddling Harry by now and he was okay with it.

“Look, things change, and it’s on us to make a change. I won’t let you do this to yourself because you don’t deserve it, and even if you think you do I won’t let you because I care about you and I’m going to care for you the way others didn’t” Harry said quietly and Draco starts to sob again, not frantically for loud enough for Harry to hear.

“You really have a hero complex, Potter.”

“Only with people who are worthy enough of being saved, Malfoy”

“May I braid your hair? Luna taught me this morning and I think you would look beautiful” say Harry awkwardly and when the blond gives him the biggest smile yet seen and nods he thinks that maybe that feeling that’s been messing up his head was love, but he had yet to find what type it was.

Until then he enjoyed the story of Draco’s best Christmas while both sitting on the floor, Draco between Harry extended legs and unexperienced fingers braiding platinum hair.


	6. Friday, I'm in love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Draco doesn’t understand muggle Halloween  
> Or where Harry takes Draco to Godric’s Hollow
> 
> Song Chapter: Friday I'm in love - The cure

**Sooo, sorry for taking so long with this update BUT lots of fluff ahead, I really love this chapter and well, I wanted to start building this relationship because it’s not gonna be a long story, 22 chapter max. Thanks for reading! Kudos and comments are appreciated, please do comment because it makes me happy. ALSO, SLIGHT CANON CHANGE TEDDY IS LIKE 4 YEARS OLD IN THIS. And TW for mention of eating disorders and past child abuse.**

“Do you have any plans tomorrow night?” Harry asked as he returned a book to its place.

“Mmm not really, Pansy and Blaise are going to go to Hogsmeade and I don’t really feel like attending to the Halloween feast” answered Draco, they were walking side to side and the fact that Harry was now taller than Draco made the raven-haired boy smiled, it wasn’t by much but enough to be noticeable. “And you? Do you have any plans?”

Harry did have plans, he was going to visit his parents’ grave in the morning and then he promised Teddy he was going to take him Trick-or-Treating to muggle London, so he still needed to figure out his costume, Teddy was currently obsessed with Pokemon and he wanted to be Meowth so Harry agreed to be James from Team Rocket. 

“Well, I was going to go to Godric's Hollow for a bit and then Trick-or-Treating with Teddy” answered Harry as they exit the library, he could sense Draco’s confusion.

“What’s that?” the blond said as their hands brushed, both of the boys blushing at this.

“Well, it’s a place where people live, you know? Like Hogsmeade” joked Harry and Draco punch him lightly in the arm and Harry laughed loudly, “well, to be honest, if I explain it to you it’s going to sound really weird so why don’t you come with me?”

Draco stopped walking and tilted his head to the side, confusion evident in his face. Even though they had been friends for almost two months the blond still felt weird to be asked out together, sometimes he still thought it was like in the old times and he once told Harry he was still waiting for all this to be a joke. But at that moment Harry could see that Draco wanted to say ‘yes’ but didn’t know how so he offered an inviting smile to him and with that the other boy nodded.

“Great!” and with that Harry took Draco’s hand and they continued their way to the common room.

The fact that Harry's heart was beating too fast was something no one needed to know.

* * *

“Are you sure you want me here?” Draco asked as he played with his hands not looking at Harry’s eyes.

“I wouldn’t have brought you if I didn’t” he answered as he approached the graves, the first time he had been here was with Hermione, and since then Harry never returned here alone. It didn’t felt right, so he always returned with someone important to him, and even if he didn’t stay for long it was enough for him to tell his parents about that person, and this time that person was Draco because even if he has always been an important part of his life this time, this time it was a different kind of important.

So in his mind, Harry told them about how he and Draco had been hanging out more, and how he was worried about the blond, he started to recall all the little details about the other boy, how his eyes disappeared when he smiled, or how he bite his bottom lip when he was concentrated. He also told them that for the first time in forever he wasn't failing Potions and that he actually started to enjoy the class. Harry started to tear up when he began telling them that he was happy, genuinely happy, that he felt his life was worth living and that he was scared because he wasn't used to be okay but that he was trying his best to make the best out of every day. And finally, he told them about his concerns about the future, because even if being an Auror seemed the obvious next step he was honestly tired of that stressful life, but then again he loves the adrenaline and the satisfaction of doing what was right. He promised them to start visiting them more frequently and with that, he just stared at the grave, he knew he was crying but he didn't know what to do.

So he laughed lightly when he felt a small hand on his shoulder, Harry puts his own hand over Draco's and squeezed it lightly. He felt Draco sit beside him and he just let himself go and hug the smaller boy, he doesn't know why he was being so emotional, but the fact that he could feel Draco's spine and ribs under three layers of clothes made him cry harder. They stayed like this for a little bit, it felt like hours but it couldn't have been more than 10 minutes, the street was empty but he honestly couldn’t care less about someone finding them out like this. At that moment Draco felt like home and the thought of it scared Harry but instead of running away like he would’ve done some years before he just embraces that feeling and accepts the fact that maybe he was falling in love with the git.

"Are you feeling better?" Draco cut Harry's train of thought with a small voice and the green-eyed boy just nodded.

"Thank you, I really needed that" and they both smiled. He said the last goodbye to his parents and started to walk away from the grave, and when he didn't felt Draco following him he turned around and saw the smaller boy enchant a small bouquet of lilies while whispering something to the grave. "You coming?" He asked with a smile in his face and Draco looked at him with soft eyes nodding and accepting the hand Harry was offering and they both apparated in an empty street of muggle London.

Draco expressed his concern about visiting his aunt the day before, saying that maybe she wasn’t going to be really pleased when he saw him due to the relationship with his family, but Harry assured him that it would be alright, he really wanted Draco to meet Teddy, after all, he was his uncle. So Draco insisted to bring a present, for Andromeda he bought a box of fancy chocolates and for Teddy they needed to go to a muggle store, taking advantage of said trip Harry was going to buy the costumes for he and Draco.

He had managed to adjust a pair of jeans for Draco to use, otherwise they were going to draw a lot of attention with all the fancy clothing. The fact that Draco scolded Harry for not owning any good clothes was better left unsaid, he didn't want to ruin the mood by saying that the Dursley's didn't believe in buying 'nice clothes' to Harry when he could just use the old ones from Dudley. He waited for him and Draco's nausea to go away and begin to walk to the main street. And the face the blond made was the best thing he has ever seen, he looked like a little child in a candy store. His grey eyes were so bright and even if he was a little intimidated by the unknown he was eager to learn. 

They entered to the store and Harry took a basket to put their shopping items, Draco's hand secured in his, they started to look around, the blond made a lot of questions and was so confused at the TV's, well rather how they worked without magic, and Harry made a mental note to take Draco to the movies. They bought the costumes and a Pikachu plushie for Teddy and started to walk to a small coffee shop, it was already lunchtime and Harry figured they still had some time before they needed to go to Andromeda's house and take Teddy trick-or-treating. 

"All the little children dress like that all the time, Harry?" Draco asked once they were sitting waiting for their order. 

"No, it's part of the Trick-or-treating thing, children dress up as something like ghosts, vampires or their favourite cartoon and they go house to house saying 'trick or treat' and the owner of the house gives them candy or if you're super lucky money"

"And they do this every day?" 

"No, just today, is a tradition to do so before 'all saint's day'" Harry said as their order arrived.

"That's so fun! It's way more interesting than a feast" Draco said laughing and started to eat his sandwich. 

They talked about random things while eating and Harry loved how free Draco seemed when he was away from the wizarding world, he resembled of a child eager to eat the world, Harry wished he could make Draco feel this way for the rest of their lives, but he knew if he tried so it was going to be difficult as heck, but deep down he knew he was going to try it as hard as he could. 

"I don't think this was a good idea Potter" 

"Oh, so I'm back to being Potter then, Malfoy?" Harry joked to calm Draco down, and it kind of work as the boy smiled lightly, but the nervousness was still present in the blond's face. "Do you trust me?"

"What?" 

"Do you trust me?" said Harry as he offered his hand to Draco

"Yes," the other boy took it without hesitation and with that Harry knocked on the door.

Andromeda opened the door and Draco gasp getting closer to Harry, slightly hiding behind him from the woman, a small whisper from the boy let him know that she looked exactly like Bellatrix, but after a couple of seconds he started to calm down and entered the house. As soon as the door was closed Teddy came running down the stairs and threw himself into Harry's arms, so let go Dracos hand for a second and took the boy balancing him on his hip and taking the blond's hand again. 

"You look exactly like Cissy" was the first thing the woman said before starting to tear up and attempting to hug Draco, but the small whimper from the boy refrain her from doing so. "I'm sorry, I just- I don't know, I'm glad to see that my sister managed to give birth to a beautiful boy"

After that they got into their costumes and went Trick-or-treating for a couple of hours, the toddler was too tired by the time he arrived home, he has shown both boys his new ability, he could change the form of his nose now. Then he proceeded to change his hair colour the same hue as Draco's, and Harry had to explain to him that he only did so with people he felt comfortable with. 

When they arrived again to Andromenda's home, Harry left Draco for a second to go and put the child to sleep, and when he came back he saw the two family members hugging, and crying while doing so. What he would give for a photo of this moment, they said their goodbyes and flooded back to Hogsmeade, where they enjoyed a butterbeer. 

"Thank you for inviting me tonight," said Draco as they walked back to Hogwarts, "I had a lot of fun, and it was nice to know a part of my family who wasn't involved in the dark side" 

"Well, I bet Andromeda is not going to let you go now that she knows you, and Teddy seemed to like you a lot" Harry smiled at him and noticed how the grey-eyed boy cheeks were red from the cold, so the took off his jumper and handed it to him.

"Oh, I'm okay, you'll be cold otherwise"

"Nonsense, you're trembling really bad and between the two of us I've got more fat to keep me warm," he laughed and Draco smiled putting the jumper, to say that it was big on him would be a lie, it was practically swallowing the boy but he looked too cute to do a re-adjusting charm. 

"Oh yeah, that reminds me," said the blond when they were close to Hogwarts, "my aunt gave me this, she said that my mom used to enjoy taking pictures back in school" and with that, he took out a camera from his pocket, it was old but still usable so Harry took it and smiled.

"Should we take a picture? You know, to make memories"

"Sure"

And yet another picture of them together managed to find its place on Harry's old album, and if there was another picture he took without Draco noticing, well... that was a story for another time.


	7. Wonder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Draco wonders about the taste of Harry's lips  
> Or where Harry show's Draco what it feels to be loved
> 
> Chapter Song: Wonder by Shawn Mendes

**Sooooooo I tried something new, please let me know if you like it. Basically, Draco's POV. Also 2346 words, I'm shook**

Do you ever feel so alone that the smallest gestures of kindness make you feel so worthy yet so afraid? How someone who has suffered so much can be so kind? It doesn't make sense, nothing makes sense anymore. The fact that the great Harry Potter is so keen on helping Draco makes no sense, why would he do that? No matter how many times the black-haired boy assures Draco that he's not playing some kind of sick joke it is still the only explanation the blond finds, because among his people kindness is not something to take for granted, he had made that mistake before.

The first thing Draco notices when he wakes up is the awful headache he has, he's been having those for the last couple weeks and no matter how much potions he takes they won't go away. When he was in his 4th year someone told him that he was gaining some pounds, and since then he doesn't remember the last time he had a decent meal, of course, there were good days where he actually ate and Pansy always smiled at him those days saying she was glad he was getting better, but all it took was some anxiety for him to be on his knees throwing up. This thing started on his 6th year, even Myrtle was worried saying that at that rhythm he was going to make her some company anytime soon.

He dragged his feet across the room, deciding that a quick shower could solve his problems, deep down he knew this wasn't true but there was no harm in lying to himself. What he didn't expect was to see the perfect face of Harry, his green eyes filled with sleepiness still, and his pants hanging dangerously low from his hips, Draco still couldn't figure out how Harry went from a scrawny kid to this Adonis. How he managed to get so tall was a mystery, and how his back became so wide and his skin tanned nicely during the summer, his strong hands and his beautiful abs and-. 

"A picture would last longer, you know?" Harry's voice interrupted Draco's thoughts, making him blush slightly

"Don't be narcissist Potter, I was just wondering what kind of potion you took to go from a scrawny kid to a grown-ass man" 

"Its call food and exercise, also my dad's genes help a lot" 

"Gins? What's that? Some kind of charms that I don't know of?" he asked with his head tilted to the side and Harry smiled

"Honestly, Hermione could do a better job explaining this, but basically inside of us there are cells that have DNA and the DNA has genes that when they express they give us certain characteristics such as eye colour or certain sickness," explained Harry while knotting his tie.

"Sounds too complicated, I don't know how muggles manage to find such amazing stuff without magic," replied Draco while taking his toiletries, "sometimes I wonder what else I missed out because of my beliefs" he finished and headed to the bathroom where he took a quick shower, trying to ignore the dark mark.

Even though the dark mark was almost faded, it was still there, haunting him 24/7. Reminding him of what he did, everything that happened, the suffering of everyone that was caused by the side he and his parents were part of. Draco tried to remove it countless times, from cutting to burning, and for a while, it felt so good, Draco couldn't care less about the scars that were left behind and even if he could remove with magic, he didn't. He enjoyed the reminder of being in pain, it was a comfort thing. Theo noticed the scars and made fun of him, but in his words 'he was already too scarred by the war' so he should be grateful that someone still wanted him, even if it was just a physical thing.

And Draco knew he deserved it, it wasn't the first time he had done something like that. Sex started to be a coping mechanism for him since 6th grade, but then it stopped working so he started to use it on his favour. 'Do you want to stop the first years to hurt? Let me fuck you' was something Alecto Carrow used to say, and it did work for a while until the other Ginny, Luna and Neville managed to fit most of the school at the Room of Requirement so there was no need to do so anymore. Then on the Manor the Dark Lord used to joke that Fenrir thought he was cute, saying that his slim figured reminded him of a child. The thought of it still makes him sick, all of it makes him sick. 

Sadly the shower didn't take Draco's problems away, and his headache evolved to nausea and feeling quite weak, not that he was the strongest person in the world, but now it was just pathetic how weak he felt. Thankfully he just had 3 classes today and none of them required a lot of movement, he just needed to make it to the Great Hall and eat something so he doesn't pass out in the middle of a lesson or something.

"Oh, I was waiting for you," said Blaise and offered him a smile which Draco tried to smile back but failed miserably "you look quite pale mate, do you feel alright?"

"Magnificent, you know I'm naturally pale, not all of us can have beautiful dark skin Blaise" he tried to joke and when his friend laugh he let out a sigh, lately all of his actions felt like an act.

The only times he felt like himself, whatever that was anyways, was when he was with Harry. And that scared him deeply because he was getting so used to the other boy's company that when the school year was over he knew it would be the end of his friendship as well. And that were the times when he started to wonder how it would feel to be someone else. What if he wouldn't have been a git back then when he first met Harry, what if he didn't insult Ron that day? What if he had never called Hermione a mudblood? What if he never treated Theo like a burden rather than a friend? What if he didn't have played with Pansy's feelings and never slept with Blaise out of spite of her leaving him alone when he needed her the most? Would he have been friends with the Golden Trio? Had he been a Slytherin at all? Would Theo treat him differently? Would he have received the dark mark still? He could've accepted Dumbeldore's help that night, he could've just forgotten about his parents the way his father did, but his mother didn't deserve that, even if now she was doing what she believed was best, she deserved so much more.

Which is why he needed to stop wondering about how things could've been and start focusing on making Theo happy enough for them to have an heir, it was not a secret that being part of a pure-blood family came with a lot of responsibilities. You should always be in your best behaviour, you can't be weak, you can't be dumb, you must be the best at everything and never fail, failing equals punishment and punishments needed to be good enough for you to regret failing in the first place. So when his father found out that a muggle born was beating him in some subjects he locked him in his bedroom until he could repeat word for word all of his books, getting a stinging hex every time he was wrong. And then there was quidditch, he had to fly until he couldn't do it anymore, he couldn't remember how many broken bones he had that summer, but in the end, Harry Potter always beat him at quidditch. When the Dark Lord heard that he was never received the cruciatus curse before he gave free liberty to all the death eaters to throw the curse at him whenever they felt like it, his aunt loved this and used it every time he failed to close his mind while teaching him legilimency and occlumensy. 

Draco dreaded the moment Hermione realized that his shaking hands were from severe muscle damage from receiving the cruciatus curse and not because he was cold or anxious as he tended to pass it as. The had been working of some potions to repair as much damage as possible but nothing too noticeable has happened yet, and he had learned to not raise his hopes up so when everything went downhill it wouldn't hurt too much.

"Draco, are you sure you're okay? We've been trying to catch your attention for a while now" said Blaise, and that's when he noticed he was sitting in the Gryffindor table next to Harry and Blaise, he doesn't remember getting here, but by the look of his half-eaten apple, it looks like they've been here for a while.

"Yeah, I'm just worried about an Ancient Runes homework, I've been trying to figure out something and didn't sleep well" dismissed Draco and Blaise nodded not really believing Draco until Hermione talked

"Oh yes, I'm having trouble too, is it the last problem?" Draco nodded just to shift the attention from him to her and attempted to listen because he was indeed having some troubles, but then again he had a lot of those. He had tried to solve them the night before but a panic attack ruined his plans and he ended up crying with his face between his hands wishing there was someone beside him, a certain boy came to mind but he tried to ignore those feelings as best as he could.

"Well, it's time for class, let's go to Herbology Draco," said Harry while offering him a hand, which he gladly took because at this moment he doesn't trust his feet at all.

They started to walk, and he thanked the lord that Harry didn't ask questions because he doesn't know if he had the answers. They arrived at the classroom and sit together, their intertwined hands remained that way and it made Draco's heart feel warm. But there were voices telling him that he shouldn't allow himself to feel this way, because what if he got used to it? Falling in love with Harry Potter was a mistake he had already done and to this day he still wonders whether he fell out of love or not from him, but considering the current circumstances he guessed he didn't, or if he did he was falling in love all over again, and he deep down wished that the other boy could fall in love with him as well.

The rest of the day passed as blur and he ended up in the same spot at diner, he was hungry and for the first time in weeks he started to serve different kinds of food in his plate, but he only managed to eat half of eat before excusing himself and started to walk back to the 8th year common room, he wasn't going to throw up, because he hated it, but when he saw Theo smirking at him he sighed, maybe if he threw up on him he would leave him alone. He laughed at that thought knowing that if he did that he was going to get cursed so bad, but maybe getting cursed was better than being fucked like that, he couldn't call it rape... right? Because he deserved it, and it was the right thing to do, they were engaged after all. 

His thoughts were interrupted, once again, when he started to feel a pair of wandering hands on him, he started to feel lightheaded but he couldn't pass out now, not with him here. But then nausea became too much and Draco started to struggle against the strong grip, he didn't realize he's shouting until he feels Theo release the grip and passes out.

He doesn't know how long he's been out, but when he wakes up he's on a bed, and it's not his, that's for sure.

"Are you okay?" a voice asks and Draco just nods, "why do you lie about being okay Draco?" 

"I don't know, sometimes it's easier to lie than, to tell the truth," he shrugs

"But no one can help you if you won't tell what's wrong"

"Maybe I don't ask for help because I don't need it, Harry," he says trying to get up from the bed but failing miserably

"Liar" Harry says as he takes the duvet and covers him. "You need help, everyone can see it, shit even Ron sees it and he's more oblivious than I am"

"Maybe I don't know how to ask for help," Draco says after a moment of silence, "but to be honest I've realized that I don't know a lot of things"

"Well, I don't know a lot of things either, but if you want we can learn together," the green-eyed boy smiles and Draco looks at him with wondering eyes

"Do you ever wonder what is like to fell in love with someone?"

"I do, but I think I'm falling for someone, and it's scary but also exciting," Harry pauses and takes the blond's right cheek in his hand, "and I can't help to wonder what would happen if I pursue what my heart wants and tell this person about my feelings"

"I wonder the same thing, but I'm too scared to tell you about my feelings," answers Draco and falls asleep immediately, the only thing in his mind is how different Harry's hands feel from Theo's, so loving yet kind of rough. Like he could rip his heart out but treasure it forever protecting it from any harm. 

In the end, he doesn't have to wonder what it feels like to be in love with someone when he has already fallen for Harry Potter.


	8. I found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Harry realizes that he found love where it wasn't supposed to be  
> Or where Draco let himself feel something else than sadness
> 
> Chapter song: I found by Amber Rum

**Sooooo! I'm finally on holiday period and Yesterday I planned the whole story so I hope to update almost every day so I can finish this before Christmas. Thanks for your patience and PLEASE comment, I love comments! I always read them, not always answer them but just imagine I give them a like ahahahaha. Also, would I ever post a chapter before midnight? Probably not**

_I wonder the same thing, but I'm too scared to tell you about my feelings_

It has been a week and Harry kept thinking about those words, it was almost Christmas beak and Draco was all over his mind for all the right reasons this time. But for some reason Harry still doubted what was clear as water, so to soothe his anxiety he decided to write a list, I mean, lists worked just fine when it came to instructions or rules, so maybe a list of cons and pros would be the final thing for him to make a move regarding his feelings for Draco.

1.- Pro – He was stupidly handsome

Con – He can be kind of arrogant about it

2.- Pro – His eyes were the most beautiful thing he has ever seen, it reminded him of stardust.

Con – He hated how well his eyes reflected Draco’s feelings, and it hurt him to see how they always seemed sad darkening the beautiful shade of grey they were.

3.- Pro – He was smart, and not just book-smart but also other kinds of smart

Con – He forced Harry to study and sadly he could be very persuasive, more than Hermione who was just scary to say no to.

4.- Pro - He had the worst case of sweet-tooth and that was adorable

 ~~Con~~ \- Now he had to carry some sort of candy or chocolate for Draco to eat otherwise he would get grumpy, which wasn't actually a con because the blond look adorable 

5.- Pro – He had known him for almost 9 years.

Con – He had only known Draco as his enemy, not his friend.

Okay, yes, he had feelings for the boy. But this was like that time where he had feelings for Cho and that ended with a very awkward kiss. So he began to wonder who he could talk about this without them having a meltdown over the fact that he was in love with his former enemy.

“Oh Merlin, this is awesome! Hannah owes me 10 galleons now!” was the first thing Ginny said before falling at a laughing spree. “Sorry, it’s just, there have been so many bets around you two since forever but they got even better when you started to be good friends.”

“Well, that sure ain’t gonna make this whole situation easier,” said Harry hiding his face between his hands as a sign of exasperation and he heard Ginny sigh.

“It’s okay, people are going to be shocked at first, but then again, people are always shocked at anything you do.”

“And anyway, it’s not like Draco would say no to you,” said Luna who has stayed quiet until that moment, and Harry nodded not really listening to her. “He always talks about you, you know? About a week ago he came panicking saying how he almost confessed his feelings to you, but that he was sure you didn’t hear him or decided to ignore them to save him a great disappointment” she continued and that was when something made click for Harry

“Wait, so _you’re_ telling me that **that** was a confession? I’ve been obsessing over that small sentence for a whole week and it turns out I was right the whole fucking time!”

“I mean, when aren´t you obsessing over Draco? Honestly, remember 6th year? You followed him on the map all the time! I was starting to get worried about him getting murdered by you- Yeah well, that was just a bad analogy, sorry” she smiled apologetically and Harry sighed, she was right, after all, she always was.

“It amazes me how you noticed me doing that when you were always snogging with Dean,” he said and she blushed but then proceeded to kiss Luna on her cheek as in saying ‘well at least I got my mind together’, and again she was right.

“You should just talk to him, I think you know him well enough to figure out how he hates to be lied to, or that things that include him are hidden from him,” said Luna while caressing Ginny’s hand with her thumb.

And they were right, he needed to act as soon as possible, ignoring the fact that he feared that if he took too long Draco would realize how much of a mess he was and would decide that he was not worthy enough. But first, he needed to talk with his best friends, not that their opinion will change the way he feels, but after all, they always managed to shake some sense into him.

“Oh, I already knew, I mean, the fact that I found you two sleeping together in your bed was enough for me to confirm there was something going on,” Ron said and Hermione raised her eyebrow

“So you found out about Harry’s feeling in what? A month? And it took you YEARS to figure out I liked you? You’re bloody impressive Ronald” She laughed and he punched her lightly on the arm

“Well, you know what they say, once you meet your true love you start to see how others feel” and with that, they start kissing, so Harry has to clear his voice to catch the attention of the couple

“Can we focus on _my problem_? What am I gonna do?”

“Well, I think Luna’s right, you should just tell him, it’s not like you two never talk about your feelings”

“Well, yeah, but… This is different, why would he believe me?”

“For the same reason you would believe him, love is a risk Harry and even though it might be the strongest thing in the world… it is a risk as well and you really should tell him before someone else does, that way you decide how and when, because I’m gonna be honest, the bets are getting out of hand,” said Hermione with a soft smile and Ron agreed

“You defeated Voldemort and you’re afraid of telling Draco that you like him? Geez, and when I thought that a war was needed for me to realize I liked Hermione was pathetic enough you come here saying all this” joked the ginger-head and Harry throws a cushion at him as he exited the common room. “Good luck lover boy!” He heard before the door closed.

He began to wonder in the corridors and ended up in the owlery, it had been a while since he came here, since Hedwig died he didn’t want to do anything with owls. He always kept some treats with him for the owls that brought him his mail and stuff, but he still needed for that wound to heal completely.

Harry doesn’t know how long he was there, but judging by his cold nose and freezing feet he figures it must have been more than an hour, he had miss diner but it was okay, he could just sneak into the kitchen for some quick meal. THE KITCHENS! Draco loved sweet things, and the chocolate parfait the blond love was only served on Christmas.

By the time he arrived at the kitchens he had the perfect plan, he knew Draco was going to be at the Astronomy tower tonight, it was Friday and they always met up there on Friday’s. So he was going to give his the chocolate parfait and wait until he was finished (he figured that telling him in the middle of a bite and making the other boy choke was not the most romantic thing to do) he was going to confess. If the reaction was positive he was going to kiss the boy and if it wasn’t then he was going to throw himself out from the tower and die.

All the hose elves were eager to help Harry out, and when they refused to let him the help he just sat there eating a sandwich someone made him. After he was finished, he took the chocolate parfaits and left a couple of galleons for the elves and left before they could throw a fit about it and how it was not necessary. The way to the tower felt quicker than usual, he was so nervous about the whole thing, he could scream to relieve his stress but when he saw Draco sitting on the cold floor his red nose and dry tears on his cheeks he couldn’t help but smile.

“Well, it’s a good thing I brought this today,” Harry said with a soft voice trying to not startle the boy who looked lost in thought, but failing miserably as the boy jumped in his sit due the disruption.

“How?” Was all Draco asked accepting gladly the cup and getting closer to Harry who just sat next to him.

“Well, I have my ways, you know as the chosen one I can get whatever I want” joked Harry and Draco rolled his eyes, “I’m kidding love, I just sneaked into the kitchens and asked if they could make some since I know it’s your favourite.”

Harry saw how Draco blushed but try to hide it behind his Slytherin scarf, mumbling a quiet ‘thank you’. They stayed like that for a while before any of them talked again, Harry loved how natural this silences felt, there was no need for filling them.

“Could you cast a Patronus before I tell you what happened? I know you are waiting for me to tell you instead of asking,” said Draco with his soft voice and Harry smiled lightly doing as told, when the stag appeared he felt the blond’s body relax and he felt the grey-eyed boy’s head rest on his shoulder. He did want to know about whatever had happened but he knew better than to push the other boy.

“Is that better?” Harry asked as he put his robe over their bodies and Draco nodded.

“I think dad is getting permission to spend Christmas at home, and I’m scared of what could happen, not because I fear him, I mean, I already know what he’s capable of,” he half-laughed, “but because I know he’s going to invite Theodore and his parents so they can talk more about the arrangement and I don’t was _him_ in my room which is the only place in that hose that I can still be in without feeling sick”

“So don’t go, come with me, we don’t have to go to the Borrow if you don’t want to, we can just stay at Grimmauld’s and spend Christmas together”

“Isn’t that a thing couples do?” Draco asked confused and harry took this opportunity to put an end to his suffering

“About that… there’s something I need to tell you,” he paused as he felt Draco’s body tense, “remember that night when you asked me what was like to fell in love with someone? At first, I was going to say yes, and my answer still stands but for different reasons. I once thought I love Cho but then I realized it was a crush that ended in the worst teenage drama ever,” he laughed and Draco relaxed a little still unsure on where was this going. “Then I thought I loved Ginny, and I do, but not in the way I once thought I did. And that’s okay because I realized that the only person I’ve ever felt something so powerful for… is you, and it doesn’t matter if that feeling was once hatred because right now I’m utterly and deeply in love with you and it’s totally fine if you don’t feel the same way but I can’t stand another day without-“

And just like that Draco Malfoy kissed him, he tasted like chocolate and strawberries, his lips so soft and unsure. Harry tried to deepen the kiss but he felt the other boy pull away.

“You sure rant a lot when you’re nervous, Potter”

“Well, I wanted my confession to be perfect, Malfoy”

“So you mean it? This is not a joke, right? This is actually happening and you actually love me,” said the blond more to himself than to Harry. “Oh Merlin, you _actually_ love me,” the boy began to panic and before he could fall into a spiral Harry grabbed his arm and hug him.

“I do, and it’s okay if you don’t love me yet, I’ll wait for you forever if you asked me to because you’re everything I ever dreamed of and if you give me the opportunity I’ll try my best to be that for you”

“For being the chosen one you’re actually really oblivious, I wonder how you didn’t die at your first year at Hogwarts,” and when Harry answerer ‘Hermione’ the blond laughed. “Of course it was her, she’s amazing… but you’re even more amazing and I would be a fool to not take this chance to feel love… but I’m scared Harry, so fucking scared,” and with that he started to cry hiding his face in Harry’s chest

“It’s okay to be scared, I am as well, I’m terrified of you finding out that being with me is not worth the gossip and the constant hate remarks from the Prophet and others, I’m scared you’ll find me stupid or not handsome enough but for you Draco I would do the impossible”

“Don’t be silly Harry, you’ve done more than enough, I want to give you all the love that was denied to you, I want to make you so happy that you’ll forget how you felt before… but would you give me time? I’m not saying no, I’m just saying we take it slow, please? Just until we know this is real and it won’t go away in the morning”

“Of course love, all the time you need,” the black-haired boy says while kissing Draco’s forehead.

“Oh, and Harry, I would love to spend Christmas with you.”

“Brilliant”


	9. High school sweethearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Draco falls into the realization that he's loved by Harry freaking Potter  
> Or where Harry kisses Draco like he is his entire world
> 
> Chapter song: Highschool sweethearts by Melanie Martinez

**So, this is the song that started the whole fanfic. The bridge of the song is EVERYTHING. Thanks for reading, I present to you the mental breakdown you were hoping Draco to have over Harry's confession.**

The first thing Draco did when he opened his eyes was to look at his right where Harry’s bed was, the black-haired boy was still sleeping so he admired how different his face looked without glasses. He had been watching Harry since day one, and Draco was glad the bag under the boy’s eyes disappeared after their first month in Hogwarts.

After a couple of minutes Draco started to feel like a creep and got up from his bed, there were a lot of questions running in his mind and he needed answers from a lot of people before accepting the fact that someone, especially Harry, could love him in that kind of way.

In one hand he knew he was deserving of love… or at least he once was, but then he took a lot of decisions that led him to be the mess he was today, and apparently, a lot of people were accepting of his mess but Draco couldn’t help to feel like a burden most of the time.

“You know its okay to move on, right? You can’t change what happened but you can have a say in what will happen next,” Pansy says once Draco finish outing his concerns. “And honestly, I know Potter and he has 0 clues in how to make plans so don’t be scared of him faking this whole thing out just to hurt you, I’ve watched you two and when you’re together you seem so happy Draco, so fucking happy that I’m kinda jealous that I can’t be the one that makes you feel that way like I did once.”

And yeah, it was no secret that Pansy had a huge crush on Draco for at least 3 years of her life, but then again after the whole ‘losing my virginity with a Durmstrang boy’ thing that happened on their 4th year she gave up on it and moved on after all Slytherin was full of beautiful gits.

“I mean, I don’t necessarily think he’s faking it but what if he regrets it? I know there’s a lot of bets going on about us, and that’s okay because at least I know that there are people who have move on but there are even more people that haven’t. And you know I can deal with all the hate and hexes, but I remember when Harry was dealing with the hate on his 5th year and he was a mess and I’ve seen him grown so much these last months that I don’t want to be the reason why he gets back to his old self-“

“Draco, he was 15 and everyone was calling him a liar, give the boy some credit he has grown so much as you say, stop trying to sabotage your happiness just because you feel undeserving of it, love.” Was the last Pansy said before going to class.

“She’s right, you know? You have changed as well Draco, you’ve grown so much and I’m so proud of you but I can’t do this for you, this time you’re on your own but please just remember that we will be here no matter what decision you take,” said Blaise ad he hugged him, “you should eat more, I swear every time I hug you, you feel more boney”

There were a lot of issues with Draco, more than everyone knew. He had been trying to avoid the talk about his issues with food, he had realized that eating diner beside Ron worked so well because of fucking course his stupidly small portions would look normal in comparison with his, the downside of it is that Hermione was really observant and Draco was scared of the moment she will confront him just like she did with his shaking hands.

Hermione always has the right answers, know that he thinks about it, and even when he has spent a lot of time with the girl he’s still painfully intimidated by her. He had always been, not that that justifies how he acted or said about her, but it was still true. He loved how easy doing homework with her were, she always had the right answer.

“Well that explains why Harry has been daydreaming all day,” the curly-haired girl said as she put her books on the table, “I mean, I've been known for a while that he fancies you, I ended up losing 5 galleons to Ginny because he told you right away and didn’t wait like I thought he would. He’s always so impulsive, I always wonder how he managed to survive his whole life”

“I mean, he wasn’t alone, sometimes all you need are friends that help you in the way,” mumbled Draco as he opened his Herbology book looking for the information he needed for his essay.

“I mean yes, but have I ever told you the story about how he tried to defend himself with a chair instead of using his wand? He’s so stupid,” he laughed lightly, “and he’s so stupidly in love with you, in a way he has always been, not that I would’ve condoned a relationship between you two back then because it would’ve been so toxic… but now, Draco, you two have been through hell and back, he deserves to be happy but so does you so my best advice is to follow your heart and not your mind.” And with that, they began to chat about other things.

His heart? What was that? He wasn’t raised to follow his heart, following your heart lead to being heartbroken and sadness. But then again, Draco was already sad so a little bit more of sadness wouldn’t hurt him, right? But that was a lie because Harry was anything but sadness to him, whenever he was with him he felt like everything would be alright.

He was so in love with the green-eyed boy it hurt, he had no need to fake his smiles around him like he was thought to, he could speak freely about whatever came to his mind without fearing for his damn life, he loved how he felt safe around him and how natural their intertwined hands felt. But he also was scared, what if Harry wanted to have sex with him right away? Draco would say yes either way because that’s what you do for people you love, right? Will Harry care about his scars? He had so many, even if some weren’t so noticeable Draco knew they were there, and then there was his arm, the skin looked so scarred it disgusts him.

“Harry won’t care about that Draco, he has scars too, we all have,” said Luna with her calm voice Draco loved so much, whenever he felt anxious back in the manor he would go and talk to her until he fell asleep, that ended in painful punishments but it was so worth it. “And he has a lot of scars, I’ve seen them and I’m sure you don’t care about that, right?”

“Of course not, is part of him, and he’s so perfect and those scars held meaning and a lot of stories I would love to hear once he’s ready to tell them-“

“Then why yours are so bad? Yours held a story too and I bet he would love to hear about it too,” Luna answered while grabbing another apple to feed the thestral in front of them. “I know you too well Draco, I spent a long time seeing you almost daily being terrified of your life and you have the same look right now, you’re terrified of what could happen if you say yes. But just remember that you haven’t considered what would happen if you say no”

“I’ll be miserable,” he answered truthfully.

And of course, he would be miserable, things would get awkward between them and the perfect relationship both of them had created will be gone, his safe space would disappear because he wouldn’t be able to go to the Astronomy Tower as often as he did now, being in the same dorm would be an agony because Harry never closed his curtains and whenever Draco couldn’t sleep he just had to glance at the sleeping boy beside him to calm down.

“The more you think about it the worst it gets, you know?” said a voice behind him and Draco couldn’t help but jump in his place. “Easy there tiger, if I wanted to hurt you I would’ve done it by now,” the ginger girl said

“Oh, sorry, a habit of mine,” Draco mumbled, he hated how common this was getting for him.

“I mean what I said, don’t think too much about it, the brain has a wonderful capacity of making a lot of reasons why you shouldn’t do something, it gets ridiculous at some point but we don’t really see it,” Ginny sat beside him on the cold stairs, “think about it like a boggart, you are terrified of it and you’ll continue to be terrified of it unless you do something, so you cast a spell and suddenly it doesn’t seem as bad as before”

“Why are you helping me?” Draco dared to ask and she smiled

“Because I love Harry like a brother and I would hate to see him brokenhearted just because you’re trying to sabotage yourself, life has been shit for you so why do you keep trying to ruin it even more?”

“Because I deserve it,” he answered without thinking and when he realized what he had just said he covered his mouth with his hands and started to panic.

“Easy there, I know how you feel,” she offered him her hand and he took it unsure about where this was going, “after everything that happened with Tom’s diary I was alone, so alone, no one really asked me about what happened because everyone was too worried about Harry. And don’t get me wrong, that kind fought a fucking basilisk and destroyed a horrocrux when he was 12 and survived to tell it, but I was 11 and I was controlled by Voldemort so I expected some comfort which never came”

“I’m sorry,” he said truthfully as he squeezed her hand lightly and she smiled

“After that, I had a major crisis, I was so scared of what I was able to do with a little bit of convincement and I honestly felt like I was going mad and that’s when I started to hear someone call a girl Looney and it reminded me of how my brothers said I was going crazy so I defended her and befriend her, I found what I needed with her, and it took me too long to realize that and sometimes I wish someone had told me that I had already found what I longed for, but things happen for a reason and if I can do something so you can accept the love you fucking deserve right now, then be sure I will”

“I’m sorry about calling Luna like that, I mean I already apologized to her but still… I just- what if I hurt him?”

“Then you’ll have 30 seconds to explain to me why before I decide whether to punch you or him,” they both smile and stand up from the stairs, “good luck, bring back a little bit of douche confidence, being so anxious doesn’t suit you, leave that to Neville.”

In the end, Draco knew what he had to do, deep down he always knew but was too scared to admit it was the best thing for the both of them, for him and most importantly for Harry. He had put a lot of thought into this, even before Harry confessed, but the green-eyed boy caught him unprepared so he had to take more time, and that sucked because the least Draco had was time to lose.

“I was wondering if you’ll come here tonight,” Harry said as he handed Draco a cup of cocoa.

“For a moment I thought I wasn’t going to, but I had already gathered the courage to answer the big question”

“Oh really? And should I sit in case the answer kills me?” Harry joked and Draco smiled taking a sip from his beverage.

“Not really, you just need to answer something first,” Draco started and when the other boy nodded he took a deep breath, “I need you to promise that you’ll be patient with me, you’ll never lie to me and you’re not going to waste your time with me, whenever you feel like this has no purpose you’ll break things up”

“May I ask why that responsibility lies in me?”

“Because I wouldn’t say no to you, never, I love you so fucking much I feel like I’m dying and I don’t want that to be a reason for you to stay with me when you no longer feel like that, I don’t want to hold you down, you deserve nothing but happiness and I’m afraid I won’t be able to make you happy and-“

He felt a pair of lips against his, and at that moment Draco doesn’t care about how the kiss tasted like salt, or how he dropped the cup of cocoa, or how the sweater he’s wearing is stupidly thin for this weather. What he does think is about Harry’s hand feels on his waist, and how right the kiss feels, how his stomach feels like a million fluttering butterflies and how loved he feels.

“I love you so fucking much, but it doesn’t hurt as yours do, and if this is what it takes for you to calm down, I wouldn’t mind quieten your bad thoughts for the rest of my life.”

“You’re a dork” Draco mumbles against Harry’s lips

“But I’m your dork” and they kiss again because maybe the tips of their fingers are blue from the cold, but their lips are red and warm from all the love they feel in that moment.


	10. for him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Draco learns about the muggle world and loves everything about it  
> Or where Harry promises the world to Draco and plans on giving it to him
> 
> Song Chapter: for him by Troye Sivan

**Nope, not me thinking of good excuse other than I got the worst case of writer's block and I had a mental break down over not finding my favourite hairbrush. Hope your week has been better. Also, I realized that I suck at writing cute and fluffy things, maybe because I'm such a slut for drama/angst, I mean, my favourite trope is the whump trope soooo. Enjoy, this and the next chapters are going to be the sun before the storm <3.**

**ALSO, I FOUND THIS REALLY CUTE FANART AND I TOOK A LITTLE BIT OF INSPIRATION. All credits to** [ **convallarias** ](https://convallarias-art.tumblr.com/post/151233404154/drawing-fluff-was-so-hard-for-me-that-theres) **on Tumblr.**

"I still can't believe you didn't pack yesterday," said Ron while watching Harry suffering to fit all of his clothes in a bag. "And I still can't believe you haven't asked Hermione to make an extension charm to your things, I swear its life-changing"

"You're such a disgrace, I'm sure Molly would be disappointed knowing that you rather break the ministry rules than fold your clothes like a normal person," said Harry in a jokingly way while finally managing to fit everything. 

"A muggle way, you mean, I still can't believe you forget you're a wizard Harry" laughed the redhead and the black-haired sighed, of course, magic could've done that process easier. "And anyway, why aren't you spending Christmas with us this year? If it's because of Ginny well she already got Luna, and if it's because you're feeling guilty or something stupid like that, don't forget that we're your family."

"I know that I just... I think I need to be away from everything magic-related, you know? And I happen to know someone who needs that as well, so I think I just want a boring muggle diner and a movie," Harry smiled while taking his bag so they could head to the train. "And I'm going to be there for boxing day, so don't miss me too much."

"Oh don't flatter yourself, I'm just insisting because I'm still not ready for mom to talk about marriage and kids with me and Hermione, please save me," dismissed Ron and they laughed.

"Don't worry, I'm sure Molly is going to be very busy asking Percy about all the wedding details, and I mean, why shouldn't she? He has the worst taste ever and her fiancé too."

The train ride was quicker than expected, and after promising Molly he would be there for Boxing day he started to look for Draco, who was in a corner talking with Pansy.

"Just promise you'll write," the girl said and Harry could see Draco rolling his eyes so hard. "I know it's only two weeks but I get worried about you, it's not my fault you suck at taking care of yourself."

"He's gonna be fine Pans, he's not going to be alone," Harry butts in and Pansy glared at him

"You suck as well Potter, I'm trusting you my best friend and be sure I'll kill you if something happens to him"

"I'm not 5 years old, you know?" spoke Draco for the first time since Harry arrived and the girl sighed, "I'll write, I promise, and if I get bored I'll just go home or with you, deal?" and that answer convinces the girl enough to finally say her goodbyes and leave the two boys alone

"She cares a lot about you, it's cute," said Harry as they start to walk out from Platform 9 3/4 onto the busy streets of London.

"It's annoying, I'm capable enough to survive by myself, thank you very much," pouted the grey-eyed boy and Harry laughed earning a soft punch on his shoulder.

"Well, mister independent, are you ready?" Draco nodded as he took Harry's hand, who apparated them on Grimmauld place. "And I present you the number 12 in Grimmauld place." Said Harry with a bow and the other boy just raised his eyebrow.

"Not that I don't trust your eyesight, but the number 12 is missing" 

"Do you believe in magic?"

"What kind of question is that? Of course, I believe in magic!" said Draco almost indignant.

"Then you just need to look closely," Harry mumbled in Draco's ear, feeling how the smaller boy shivered, casting a quick spell the number 12 began to appear.

"I hope the inside looks better than the outside," said Draco laughing while taking Harry's hand and running to the entrance.

And well, this place has changed a lot since he first visited, he had finally got rid of the awful portrait of Walburga Black, and had redecorated a lot, including putting electricity so the muggle artefacts he bought could work. Harry knew it was far from perfect, and nowhere close to the luxury stuff Draco was probably used to but when he saw the sparkling eyes of the said boy his stomach did a flip.

"I know that it needs a lot of work still, but I hope you can make yourself at home during your stay-"

"It's amazing, what's this?" Draco asked pointing to the TV

"It's a television, TV for short, you look movies or series, or the new there."

"What's a moo bee?"

"Mo-vie, it's like a theatre play but you can watch it again and again, at any time you want from the comfort of your home.

"Can we watch a movie?" The way Draco asked reminded him of Teddy when he asked to extend his bedtime, so Harry couldn't help but smile sweetly.

"Sure, we can go to the movies tomorrow if you want," Draco nodded not really knowing what that was but still excited to see

"And what's this?" The blond boy asked pointing to the lamp on the table beside the couch.

"Oh, it's a lamp, like a candle but it uses electricity, remember?" The boy nodded not really telling whether he remembered or not but continue to ask about all the things he didn't know about. This sure was going to be interesting.

The next morning Harry woke up to a high pitch scream and got off bed so quickly he almost fell, taking his wand from under his pillow and running to where the noise came from. 

"Are you okay?" was the first thing he asked when he realized there was no real danger around them, and Draco nodded slowly as they both tried to even their breath.

"I just, I tried to do toast the way you did yesterday but I forgot the toes-terr did that thingy where it practically throws your toast," Draco explained feeling pretty embarrassed and Harry laugh.

"It's okay, I'll teach you again"

And so both of the boys shared a simple breakfast while making a list of all the thing Draco needed to experience on his stay, and all of the presents Harry had to yet buy because he was a procrastinator by excellence.

In the end, it looked something like: Draco needs to ride a car, a motorcycle, take the subway to somewhere, watch a movie on a movie theatre, watch a season of British Bake Off, go to a museum and do something totally crazy. And Harry needed to change his wardrobe (because Draco said he dressed worse than Filtch), get presents for Neville, Pansy, Blaise and Andromeda (the fact that he already had one for Draco remained unmentioned), teach Draco how to cook something cool and do something he had wanted for a while. 

"Are you ready?" Harry asked once they were ready to go out to the world, he could see the anxiety in Draco's eyes, but also the excitement which only meant he wanted to do this but he was scared, and Harry knew how to deal with that kind of fear. So he took Draco's hand and smiled warmly.

"I am ready"

And so they began to walk to the main street so Harry could pull a cab to take them to the movies. They both agreed to watch a romantic comedy because neither of them was ready to see any kind of violence due to obvious reasons. Draco got terrified of the car, he didn't manage to understand what was going on and he was holding onto Harry's hand with more force than needed. 

"I don't know how muggles can do that all the time, how does it work without magic?" Draco asked while they walked inside the mall, and before Harry could answer the blond boy got distracted by everything, wanting to learn more about anything he could put his hands onto, when they finally reached the cinema Harry bought the tickets and they entered the room. Draco was so excited, practically bouncing to their seats, Harry had to give him the bucket of popcorn so the other boy stops fidgeting so much. Once the movie started the grey-eyed boy gasped loudly. 

"That was amazing, so you're telling me they do that and get it ree-corded and I can watch it as many times as I want to?" Harry nodded and Draco smiled, "that's amazing, can we watch more at home?"

"Sure we can, I don't know why I have a feeling you're gonna enjoy Frozen, you hungry?" Harry asked and Draco nodded, so they both head to a restaurant they passed earlier. 

"Can we have pizza? I've been craving it since the couple at the moo-vie ate some," the blond pleaded and Harry laughed nodding.

They ate while chatting about the movie, and how they hated the ending. It was already dark outside when they left the building so Harry decided to apparate them instead of taking another cab back home. They both sat on the couch and started the first episode of British Bake Off, Draco was mesmerized by all the pretty desserts and Harry was just hungry, so he got up to make something easy for diner.

The next days were pretty much the same, it wasn't until Friday's night where something happened. It was past midnight when Harry heard a knock on his bedroom door, putting on his glasses and securing his wand on his hand he asked who was it, the door opened slightly where Draco's face appeared.

"May I come in?" The boy asked in a small voice, and Harry nodded immediately, his eyes never leaving Draco's face. His big grey eyes were red and he saw the dry tears on his cheeks. But he also saw the milky thighs underneath the big jumper he was wearing, if this situation was different Harry was sure as hell he would be hard "I'm sorry for waking you up, I just don't want to be alone but I can leave if you-"

"I never want you to be alone, come here," Harry's voice was raspy, which made Draco blush as he sat beside he green-eyed boy. "Do you want to talk about it?" Harry asked, making sure his tone was inviting and not demanding.

"I just... sometimes I feel so alone, and my mind starts racing and going into dark places, and I start to remember things I just want to forget, you know? But it's so dumb because there were people who had it way worse than I did and aren't as messed up as I am," Draco's voice was quiet against Harry's shoulder, who was hugging Draco by his waist.

"It's not about who had it worse darling, is about how we cope with it, there were many times where I didn't know what to do, or who I was. I had nightmares almost every night and I felt so anxious all the time," he started to tell as Draco started to play with his fingers, "but it got better, it was really hard and I wanted to give up many times, but I didn't because I wasn't alone. And you aren't either Draco, you're not alone," Harry mumbled against the blond's temple before placing a soft kiss.

"How could you love me when I'm so broken?" The grey eyes started to fill up with tears again as he asked it.

"Because you're not broken Draco, you're not an object, you're hurt and have a lot of problems, but there's nothing wrong with you, nothing we can't fix anyways"

"No matter how many scars I have?" Draco asked fearing the question more than the answer

"No mattering the scars, I love you as a whole, not just your perfect bits"

They fell asleep together, warming each other hearts as they keep away each other nightmares. Harry knew there was a lot of unsaid answers behind the last question, but he was scared to see what Draco meant by "many scars". And Draco knew he had to answer all Harry's questions at some point but in that moment red and blue made a beautiful shade of purple and they didn't dare to mess it up.

Not yet.


	11. Happily

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Harry and Draco get to make new holiday traditions  
> Or where home is a person and not a place.
> 
> Song Chapter: Happily by One Direction

**Hey! Soooo, happy delayed Christmas, happy holidays overall and I hope you're staying safe and you and your family are safe and okay. Love you! Thanks for reading <3 Also, my hair is purple now, lol**

Harry woke up to a warm body beside him, it was weird to not feel alone in the morning, or at any time to be honest. Harry was used to feel alone, and sometimes it was okay, but most of the time it wasn't; because his loneliness was that kind of thing that felt as if a part of Voldemort still lived inside him and it sucked. But being next to someone you loved, it didn't matter what kind of love it was, felt as if the brightest light was inside you and it created such a warm feeling Harry loved.

"You think too loud," a small voice said and the bed shook a little due Draco stretching. 

“Sorry, go back to sleep if you want,” Harry answered knowing that yesterday had been an eventful day.

“What time is it?” Draco asked as he sleepily snuggled closer in Harry’s chest.

“9 am, it’s still pretty early, go back to sleep and I’ll make breakfast,” when no one answered Harry smiled because the other boy was fast asleep again, he decided that maybe he could stay just for a bit longer, after all, it was still early.

In the end, they woke up again at midday, both too hungry to continue sleeping. The day before they had watched the entire first season of British Bake Off and today they decided they were going to try and make the greatest dessert ever, to be honest, Draco just hoped for them to be better than the person who made those awful meringues. 

"Do you feel comfortable enough to make toast? Or would you rather just set up the table?" Harry teased and the blond boy gave him a look.

"I'm not going nowhere near that machine, why would the muggles want hot toast to jump right to your face?" Harry just laughed and continued to cook.

"So, today we need to go shopping because Christmas Eve is tomorrow and we have nothing but toast and leftover pizza on the fridge," said Harry as he takes a sip of his coffee.

"And you also need to buy those gifts you're missing," reminded him Draco and the black-haired boy rolled his eyes, he had totally forgotten about that. "And I think I know what crazy thing I want to do"

"Oh, really? May I know what?" 

"I want to get a tattoo, I've been thinking a lot and I hate this mark, its worse than any scar I have and I want to cover it with something _I chose_ and not someone else," Draco explained with a soft smile and Harry returned it giving the boy a kiss on his temple.

"I love it, we can make an appointment today on our way to the mall."

They continue to eat, but Harry could feel that Draco wanted to say something else but was having a hard time figuring out how to say it. So he took the grey-eyed boy hand and give it a soft squeeze while asking what was wrong.

"I just keep wondering why you never ask questions, because I know you have them, we all do. But you never ask questions, and I fear is because of the answers you might receive and I hate to feel that if you knew those answers you wouldn't love me the way you do"

"I never ask questions not because I don't want to know the answers but because I don't know if you're ready to give them. I sure as hell am not ready to tell you a lot of things, and that's okay, because I know you won't push so I don't really understand why it's okay to push _you_ beyond your limits but give me all the time in the world to tell you about my scars."

They stayed silent for a few minutes, Draco was trying to get a grip of his thoughts and Harry was just giving him time, so when Harry felt the other boy throw himself into his arms he was sure as hell surprised.

"One question, I think I'm ready for one question," Harry holds his breath because there were a lot of questions he wanted to ask, but it also felt wrong to ask something without giving Draco the same opportunity.

"Okay, one question for one question," he answered and he felt the blond nod against his chest. "I would like you to go first"

"Why did you testify in my favour? You owed me nothing, and I know you feel like you did for the things I did for you, but then again you saved me right back so... I just don't get it, more than not getting it I feel like I don't deserve it"

"Honestly? I don't know, I mean, I could lie and tell you that the only reason why I did it was that I thought you were too much of a coward to be a death eater, or that you were just a kid like me who was used as a pawn in a stupid war, but in the end, I don't know. I asked a lot of people to give me a reason to do it because I just wanted to do it but I felt like people would ask why and I couldn't find an answer. And that's when I learned that I only got to see the part of you that _you chose_ to portrait, and I was as big of a git as you were, so," Harry paused but continued to pet Draco's hair, "I guess I did it because I wanted the opportunity to ask you all of the questions that remained unanswered since day one, and I wouldn't have that opportunity if you ended up in Azkaban, where you didn't belong no matter how low of yourself you think."

"Thank you," Draco answered after a while, he had cried at some point but now they were just in comfortable silence. "Your turn"

"Why didn't you tell them it was me? That night at the manor, I know you knew it was me but I just don't understand"

"I honestly don't know, I was terrified of everyone in that house. And when I saw you I wanted to die so much because I really thought it was the end, but then I remembered no one knew how you looked, only my parents but Granger did a nice job with that spell so I saw a chance and took it. I just needed to buy you guys time, I thought of modifying the wards so someone could come and help you guys but then I figured that wouldn't happen so I just said I wasn't sure it was you. I was so grateful to Dobby when he came for you and your friends, I had so much hope again but that died really quick." Draco shivered and started to play with Harry's free hand. 

"Did you get in a lot of trouble?" Asked Harry and immediately apologized "sorry, I didn't mean to ask another question, please just forget about it I-"

"Do you really want to know the answer?"

"No, not really but I feel I need to know it"

"Can you promise me something?"

"Anything"

"You can't feel guilty for it, you must remember it was a war and that nothing it's fair, that you had no control whatsoever and that it was my decision so I'm the only one to blame." Harry knew he wasn't going to like the answer but he swore it anyways, "When you were gone my aunt was so angry, she was so mad about the fact that a hose elf almost killed her and my mother tried to calm her down but it was not helpful. Then the Dark Lord arrived and called me a traitor, he had so much hate inside him that his cruciatus curse felt like being burned alive with fire and ice at the same time, he kept laughing and saying that I could choose my mother to take my place, but I couldn't do that to her, I just couldn't Harry." Draco took a big breath trying to calm himself while Harry tried to not throw up. "But I'm okay now, Hermione had helped me a lot with the tremors my muscles have, and I don't feel pain anymore which is good."

Harry hugged Draco one last time and gave him a kiss, he headed to the shower and tried to calm himself down. Maybe he didn't ask a lot of questions because the answers he received instead of alleviating him, only created new unanswered questions and pained him at the same time. He had a lot of reasons why to kill Voldemort, there was never a doubt of that, but the fact that he continued to find reasons to do it makes him wish he was still alive so he could kill him all over again and again, just so Voldemort could feel at least a little bit of all the pain he had created.

In the end, they decided to forget about those sad stories and began to heal from them again, Harry wanted to take Draco to the London Eye, and so they took the subway there. Draco was so confused by how it all worked and got visibly uncomfortable when people kept bumping onto them or standing a little bit too close at the wagon. But the experience was so worth it when they got to see the whole city from the compartment. 

Draco loved how Harry kept making memorable moments for the two of them, and how he always carried the old camera Andy gave him, so Draco started to take photos of everything he loved and the number of photos of Harry that he had was actually embarrassing. Draco knew Harry like to steal cute photographs of them but he never said anything. 

They arrived home absolutely exhausted, they had walked so much and they ended up buying more things than planned, which was okay because according to Draco "he deserved it".

"I hate to wrap things, I hate it so much," complained Harry as he wrapped Neville's gift and Draco just laughed at his misery, it was almost midnight and they were in the kitchen drinking tea with soft music playing on the background, it felt stupidly domestic. "I'm done!" he screamed and Draco got scared because of it so it was Harry's turn to laugh.

"So... what now?" The blond asked and Harry smiled, he knew just what they were going to do.

"Put on a warm jacket and meet me at the front"

"I hope you don't plan on murdering me," was the first thing Draco said once he met Harry at the front of the house

"Well, it wasn't on my list of thing to do today, but since you suggested it," Harry joked and Draco punched him lightly on the arm and they both laughed. "We're going for a ride, like in Aladdin but cooler"

"There's nothing cooler than a magic carpet Harry"

"Oh but, how about a flying motorcycle?" 

"Where did you get this? Is it even safe?" Draco arched an eyebrow looking suspiciously at the bike and Harry smile

"It was Sirius' motorbike, and I guess it's safe, I mean, if Hagrid could ride it when I was a baby so can we," he reassured the boy and offered him a hand, "Do you trust me?"

"Sadly"

The ride was wonderful, their noses ended up like Rudolph's, so red and cold they looked ridiculous but they manage to regain body heat between kisses and laughs. They fell asleep on the couch, cuddling with a big blanket not caring about their poor necks that would suffer from the awful position. 

Christmas Eve was the best day ever, they woke up super early because they were determined to make the greatest Christmas diner no one has ever had and that required all the time they could get. The menu consisted of pudding, roast potatoes, mince pies, treacle tart and tea. The dished turned out better than expected and they ate so much they felt they were going to die from a stomach ache. 

Harry found hilarious the reactions Draco had while watching Christmas movies, he loved the way the blond was getting comfortable around muggle objects and how he began to question them less and less. Midnight came faster than expected and it was time to exchange gifts. Because it doesn't matter what Christmas meant to the entire world, gifts were amazing.

"You must know you're so hard to buy something," began saying Draco while handing him a box "but I really hope you like it, if not you can return it" 

The small box contained a collections replica of the Nimbus 2000 he had used the first 3 years at Hogwarts, it also included some chocolate and a small potion."

"It's Felix Felicitis, because sometimes I feel you just need a little bit of luck to do amazing things and I would love to give you some."

"I love it, thank you," Harry kissed lightly Draco's lips and reached for his gift and hand it to the boy, "I saw this and immediately thought of you so I hope you like it."

Draco opened the box and the first thing was a portable advanced potion maker, and the other thing was a small dragon which Hermione and Charlie helped him to enchant so Draco could ask for help to whoever he needed instead of casting a patronus. Draco love it so much he started to cry and Harry just hugged the boy until they began to make out and then continued to talk about their other presents, Harry explained that the Weasleys didn't send their gifts since he was going to go to the burrow the next day.

In the end the little Dragon was the best gift either of them received yet, what either of them knew was that Draco was going to make use of it earlier than expected.


	12. Broken home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Draco finally accepts the fact that he needs to move on  
> Or where Harry is tired of the people he loves getting hurt.
> 
> Song chapter: Broken home by 5 seconds of summer

**I've had like 2 hours of sleep in the last 40 hours, 3 cups of coffee and I'm ready to finish this chapter or die trying it. I'm soo sorry for the long hiatus. I got the flu and my life was a mess. Also, I had no motivation to no nothing so yeah, I promise it won't happen again and once again thanks for all the support you gals give me. Happy new year, love you!**

"Are you sure you want to go?" Draco could see the concern in Harry's eyes, but he tried to ignore it for his own good. 

"I mean, it's not that I want to go, but I feel like I need to, you know? I mean, I just want to know where I'm standing and what am I supposed to do after I find out" Draco finished to button his shirt and grabbed his coat, "I just need to know Harry, please don't be mad"

"Oh Draco, of course, I'm not mad nor should I be mad, I'm just concerned because you're literally walking into the wolf's mouth," the blond laughed lightly and held Harry's hand.

"I'm gonna be okay, I promise, I'm just gonna go and say hi, I'll be back before dawn," and with that Draco kissed Harry quickly and appeared outside of Malfoy Manor.

It has been a while since he had been here, a little bit less than 5 months but still so much had changed. Not that he was complaining, but if before he couldn't picture himself entering the manor without getting strong nausea, now it was unbearable but it was something he was decided to do. Each step he took onto the entrance felt heavy and he could feel the anxiety rising to dangerous levels, but then he remembered his mom and how sad she was when he left and if he could manage to have just a small piece of her courage he would be just fine.

"Oh my dear, I've missed you so much," was the first thing Narcissa said as Draco entered the dining room, it was still full of bad memories, no matter how many times it had been cleaned the smell of blood reminded him of those dreadful days and nights full of screaming and begging. 

"I've missed you too mother, did you like your Christmas present? I was going to wait and give it to you myself but I know how special traditions are for you"

"Oh yes, it was lovely, very lovely," his mothers eyes were unfocused, she seemed quite different and it almost reminded him on how she used to act around the Dark Lord.

"How was Christmas?" he dared to ask as they continued to walk to the living room.

"It was okay, we were hoping you'd show up but it was okay," Narcissa half-smiled. "And yours? If you wanted to be with that Parkinson girl you could just brought her, you know?" slight venom in her voice.

"I wasn't with her, I was with a new friend." he replied and changed the topic to avoid more questions.

He hated this house, he hated the memories he had craved on his brain and how all the light was gone. How this living room was once full of blood and how he could hear the screams of pain and horror from his room, how much he wanted to die each night he couldn't help anyone. Draco knew that if he inherited the manor he would burn it down to the ground in hope it would take all the darkness away.

But he also hated how much he missed it, how many good memories he had there when he was little and he coudln't help but wonder how different things would be if I he wasn't such a git when little, how war could've ended earlier if his family didn't participated on it and how less messed up he could've been.

"How was father? I heard he came by," Draco dared to ask

"Well, I was wondering where was my son," a voice made the blond's bones chilled and he almost passes out. "It was quite a surprise when I arrived home and only was greeted by my wife and not my son, and I was hoping I taught you good manners boy" Lucius voice was cold and on the limit of becoming really loud.

"I'm sorry to hear that father, I had already accepted someone else's proposal and it would've been rude to cancel at last minute"

"Oh Draco, you used to be better at lying," Draco didn't expect the cruciatus curse but once he felt it he wasn't surprised at it.

He could feel the hate, but it felt different, as it felt when his father first exited Azkaban. His magic was unstable and that was something to worry about, the last time it was like this the hexes left severe damage and he didn't want to imagine the damages of any unforgivable. This lasted only for a few minutes, but they were enough for Draco to wish he didn't come in the first place, he had already sent a letter to his mother and he should have been more certain his father was back where he belong.

"Well, don't stay all day on the floor, we are having guests at diner and I want you both in you best behaviour"

"I can't stay, I was just passing by to check mom, I have other plans," Draco wanted to leave, and if he was going to be punished for it he could at least give Lucius a reason to do it.

"Oh but, I'm not asking Draco," and he left.

His mother just stared at him, something was so wrong with he and it was driving him mad that he couldn't pin point what it was. I wasn't too difficult to figure out who the guests would be, and he was sure that if he left now he would just make things worse for him and therefore for Harry. So, a smooth diner and he was out.

Draco wished it was as simple as that, because now that he was sitting of the big table he felt as if nothing had changed. The food was flavourless and each sip of water felt heavy on his stomach. He hate the look of lust Theo had, and how he smirked knowing that Draco couldn't do anything about it without facing the consequences of it. And that there was no one to help him, Draco was alone, more alone than never before.

"Well, I just love the way the _obeys,_ you know? He has such good manners and even when he has a sharp tongue he sure know how to use it," the other boy joked and Draco felt repolsed, how could he talk like that in front of him, or the adults? But Lucius just laugh and joked about how the Dark Lord said similar things.

"May I be retired?" The grey-eyed boy and his mother shoot him a look full of fear. "It's getting late and I'm sure our guests are tired as well"

"Oh, you're so thoughtful Draco, I'm sure my boy here is a lucky man to have your hand," Theo's father said with a genuine smile and Draco almost felt bad for him, scratch that, he felt to bad for him and how he was just a piece on the chess game his father had in mind.

"That reminds me, I need to retrieve that thing you borrowed Draco, I'm sure it's in your room, am I right?"

"Oh no, I must have left it in Hogwarts, but if it's too urgent I can just buy you a new book," Draco bit his lip so he could just be finished with this day.

"No need to dear, if it's in Hogwarts then it's _safe_ "

They finally left and Draco was ready to leave as well when he felt his limbs stop responding, Narcissa was saying something to his husband but Draco's mind was in too much panic to understand what was going on. How did he manage to put himself in this situation? He just wanted a normal family, a normal life, a normal everything. He wanted a bad so he could scrub off the looks of Theo, and a draught potiong to help him fall asleep without thinking about his father.

The bone cracking kind of pain began again, only this time he felt as he was on fire, so much pain in so many places, he was sure he was screaming as loud as never before. He wanted to be safe, to this to stop, he couldn't concentrate in anything but how Harry's arms felt around him and how much his patronus shined in the darkness Draco's thoughts created.

Draco saw fire and felt heat before passing out when the whole scenario began to change from the Manor to another one.

Draco felt like he greeted death like an old friend.


	13. Incomplete

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Draco feel all his hurts go away  
> Or where Harry finally gets what he needs and stop being incomplete
> 
> Song Chapter: Incomplete by James Bay

**Whoever said college was fun was lying, if you see me updating more it's because I dropped out lol. Thanks for reading!**

Don't you dare do this to me, don't you dare do it. 

You can't, not you, not again, not like this.

We've been through this once, and I still haven't figure out why you didn't say thanks or goodbye. 

I don't want you to die, I don't want to be alone, I do deserve to be alone.

"Why would you be alone?" a soft voice mumbled and Harry tried to see where it was from through his teary eyes, "why are you crying, did someone died?" How could he forget that voice, that beautiful voice that used to annoy him and now never fail to make him smile. 

"Don't you dare do this to me again! You stupid little brat," Harry is quite sure that he's crushing Draco with this hug, but he couldn't care less.

"You know, I tend to do a lot of stupid stuff but this time I have no idea what you are talking about," half-laughs the blond and another voice chimes in.

"You pure-bloods sure like to set fire to things," It was Ron, who may have already get used to the whole situation but never wasted an opportunity to make a sassy remark.

"Fire? What is he talking about? Is anybody hurt? Are you okay? Is my mother okay?" Harry stopped Draco with a quiet 'shh' and gave the ginger a bad look.

"We're fine, your mother is okay and the others were just burned slightly, it seems like you set fire to the manor as a self-defense mechanism; the Aurors want to ask some questions but they can wait if you're not feeling well yet."

"Are you okay?" Draco asked and Harry could see how much deeper the question was intended to go, and no, of course, he wasn't fine. He was scared and angry, and hurt and happy. He was physically okay, the fire didn't get to him, but it did to Draco, just a bit of his arm. oh, and then there was that, how was he supposed to be okay after finding out your boyfriend tried to cur his arm off in every possible way while trying to heal his burns for a fire he started after feeling deeply unsafe in what was supposed to be his home. 

"No, I'm not okay but I will be, we both will be," he answered truthfully and kissed Draco's temple.

"I think I'll take to the Aurors now, the sooner I do the quicker we get rid of them," and with that Harry was alone again.

Harry had been alone a lot of times before his 11th grade after he arrived at Hogwarts that changed forever and he was eternally grateful. He knew he could rely on his best friends and everyone that loved him, he knew that very well. But this time he didn't felt alone, he felt incomplete and the only way to finish the puzzle was to get the answers he intended to get since the beginning.

Harry had learned, so far, that Draco Malfoy was not as bad as he thought he was. That he had saved, or attempted, to save his life three times and only succeeded once. That his hair is slightly wavy but he used a lot of hair products to make it straight as his father liked. That he used to smoke because he learned in muggle bars that it could kill you but stopped once he started to cough during quidditch matches Ron, Ginny, Draco and he has. That his blue eyes looked grey when he was sad and that he cries so much. He also learned he has a sweet-tooth and despises coffee. He loves the way his hands look while making potions and he loves how he bites his underlip when he's concentrated. And he absolutely loves how he is now shorter than Harry because that way Harry can always give him forehead kisses in an attempt of erasing his worries.

But Harry has also learned that Draco was depressed, that Draco feels so guilty for everything that happened that he constantly tries to overcompensate it not caring if he hurts himself in the process. He has also learned that Draco now likes to make himself look smaller in the hallways, and how little he eats during meals. He hates how bony his body has become and his heart aches at the way he can touch his index with his thumb around Draco's wrist. He hates how Draco put to sleep that fire hi used to have, and he sometimes wonders if he ever had a fire at all. And he just learned that Draco Malfoy cuts himself, adding scars to his body in order to try to hear, the wounds in his mind.

"I wasn't much help to the Aurors, but they said that with what you had already testified my father wouldn't see sunlight in a while and hope it's true."

"Why didn't you call me sooner?"

"Honestly? I didn't think about it, it didn't felt different from other times, well, it did but not in a new way. I honestly feel like this was the last push my mom needed for my mom to go crazy, I should go and talk to her, she shouldn't be alone, I feel like being so strong always really tired her out and now it's my turn to be strong," he paused for a second while taking a seat beside Harry "but I don't know how to be strong Harry, I'm not you nor her, or Ginny or my aunt, I'm more like my dad, a coward and I-"

"You are not a coward Draco Malfoy, you're just scared and tired, but a coward person could never do what you have done these past months. It takes a lot of courage to change who you used to be, but it takes even more strength to tear yourself down and rebuild it from cero, and you have done it Draco. All by yourself"

"I had you, and Pansy, and Blaise and Hermione and you and Ron and you," Draco is crying now, he does that a lot lately, and as much as it hurts Harry to see him cry he prefers it over other things.

"Just because someone had your back in the process doesn't mean we did it for you, love, don't put yourself down, you don't deserve it"

"Was it Clouds the one who warned you?" Draco asked after a long silence, his head was in Harry's chest and Harry loved how their breathing was now synchronized. 

"Clouds? That's a soft name for a dragon, I love it," the boy with glasses teased the other one and the blond laughed. "Yeah, it was him, he sent a message in a fireball and I knew something was wrong before the message was cool enough to read it. You cast Fiendfyre, the aurors arrived minutes later after I did and your mother had already cast the counterspell. Theo and his dad were nowhere to be seen and your father was too shocked that I was crying over your still body. You burned to arm, Molly helped Hermione fix it, so it shouldn't scar... not that you could really notice a scar in your arm"

"So you saw them"

"yeah, just the ones in your arm but I feel like there's more and I'm pretty scared to ask about them, because I feel some of them has been caused by me and I need to know but not yet, is that okay?"

"It is okay, and when you see them, can you promise to not feel guilty? We both have scars, and we both had done things we're not proud of so, there's no need to feel guilty for something that happened so long ago and I deserve anyways-"

"No, I can promise to not pity you, but feeling guilty is my right and never for a second think that you deserved it because no one deserves that Draco, not even the vilest person in this world."

"Harry?" Draco says as he plays with Harry's fingers.

"Yeah?"

"My amortentia has always smelled like treacle tart".

And with that Harry learns a new thing, Draco Malfoy has the best timing when saying he loves Harry and the most creative ways of doing so as well.


	14. Under Pressure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Draco is tired of everything going wrong for him  
> Or where Harry regrets something from his past
> 
> Song Chapter: Under Pressure by Queen ft. David Bowie

**I have two chapters written so tomorrow I'll update again! Thanks for reading!!**

They both knew it wouldn't be too long until the word spread around everywhere, The Daily Prophet wasn't as bad as they expected it but some on the comments still hurt. Harry was still scared about what could happen to Draco if everything became too much, no matter how many times the other boy reassures him that his scars were old and that whenever he thought of relapsing or if everything felt like too much again he would tell him so, and he also was a little bit calmer now that he was certain Clouds was there for his boyfriend.

Harry still wasn't over the fact that Draco was his boyfriend, if someone had told him that this was going to happen he would've laughed so hard and maybe sent them to St. Mungos in case they had a tumour on their brains… wait, do wizards even know what a tumour is? Not really the point, but yeah, Harry couldn't help but fell in love a little bit more with the boy each day that passed.

Harry loves the sweet tooth Draco had, and now he and Ron always had some sort of sweet on their robes in case Draco felt light-headed, which didn't happen as much as it did before, mainly because Pansy would practically force-feed the boy, on the other hand, Draco just began to have more appetite and he always said that his mother taught him that it was rude to not eat while the other person did and vice-versa, so Harry made sure to never skip meals when Draco was with him, which was more time than he had anticipated.

"You sure think a lot, I wonder about what if you never seem to do homework," tease the blond and Harry laughed.

"How could I possibly think about anything when I have you next to me driving me crazy?"

And that was another topic, Draco acted to different when things got a little bit more heated than usual, he never said no but Harry could feel how the blond's body tensed or flinched at certain movements and the last thing he wanted was to push his boundaries, not mattering whether he had to wait a million years or just a couple of minutes. 

"You are the worst Potter," laughed Draco as he got up to search another book for his Potions essay. What Harry had noticed as well, and let's pause for a second to appreciate how much things Harry had noticed considering how oblivious he tends to be, was that Professor Slughorn no longer ignored Draco in class, and he actually acknowledges how good he was at it, he loved how excited Draco got when he was praised for his work and how happy he was when the potions turned out amazing. Harry almost wished he could see is Draco was like that with his friends when he was little, or even with Snape considering he was his godfather and all.

"Well, I gotta go, love, I promised Pansy I was going to help her choose an anniversary gift for Blaise, can you believe it? They actually lasted more than a week," his boyfriend said and Harry kissed him slowly on the lips. "If you keep doing that I won't want to go"

"Then don't," Harry smirked kissing him again and if it wasn't because someone hexed him he would've continued, he knew it was a stinging hex and it hurt a lot but he didn’t say anything letting Draco go, it has been hard enough for the other boy to regain confidence for him to just throw all that progress away just because someone decided to be a bloody idiot towards them.

Noticing that he no longer had anything to do in the library, he decided to go back to the 8th year common room. Once he arrived he saw Ginny chatting with Ron, so he decided to join.

"-I'm just telling you that you would look ridiculous with that haircut, and only mom does a good job with those kinds of spells anyways"

"Still trying to rock a mohawk?" Harry teased and when Ron didn't deny he started to laugh so hard. "Oh my god, please tell me you're not actually thinking of that"

"Oh shut up Harry, I just want to look edgier"

"Well yeah, but you don't have to get an 'it's not a phase mom' kind of style dude, just leave it longer or style it differently"

"You could get that tattoo, I still think a pygmy puff would look so good on you," said Ginny with a serious face and seconds later Harry started to laugh again and Ginny joined.

"I hate you both, I expected this kind of betrayal from my sister, but my best friend?!" Ron pouted and Ginny said something like 'he's already family Ronald' between laughs.

"You should totally get a tattoo though, and if you wanted to look edgier for Hermione you could do it the muggle way"

"Hell no, I don't want a million needles on my skin Harry, muggles are out of their minds for doing so"

"Oh c'mon, it's not that bad, Draco got one on the holidays and he barely flinched, we can go together! I wanted to get one as well but I got scared"

"Oh my gosh, Draco got one? What is it? I bet is something badass like a dragon or a wolf"

"Not at all, just a small Narcissus on his left wrist," Harry smiled at the memory of Draco telling him about how much he loved his mom and how much he wished he could be more like her and less like his dad. And how after the tattoo Harry told him about how his mother saved his life on the forest and how sweetly Draco kissed him that day promising that the next tattoo would be a lily.

"Fine, if the git can manage it then so can I, you and I have a date this weekend," Ron said with confidence and Ginny said she wanted one as well.

"Luna has been drawing a lot lately and some of the things she draws are so pretty, I want her to animate it after I get it done, which would be so cool."

The talk kept going smoothly, even Neville and Seamus joined after a while, it really was the perfect day until someone entered the common room yelling Harry's name. In less than a second, he was in front of Pansy who looked white as a ghost and had trouble breathing.

"Help me, I can't manage to stop Blaise from hitting Theo"

They both started to run to where it was the fight happening, and he was pretty sure Theo was almost unconscious by the time they got there, so Pansy ran again to look for Madame Pomfrey.

"Stop it, you're gonna get in trouble, or worse, in Azkaban because it looks like you're trying to kill him"

"Oh believe me Potter, if I wanted him dead he would already be dead," said Blaise kicking Theo in the stomach again while the other boy laughed

"Who knew Zabini knew how to fight? Since you always seem so calm and chill," Theo said while spitting blood on the floor. "Oh, and you got the chose one to join the fun, how lovely"

"Shut up idiot," spat Harry while trying to calm Blaise down.

"Oh, so bossy, at least Draco likes that, that bitch never knows what to do unless you tell him, so annoying, but his mouth it's so worth it, right?" and that was when Harry lost it and hexed Theo, if Madame Pomfrey didn't arrive at that second the next spell would've been Sectusembra, knowing well how no one knew the counter spell but him and Snape.

"Dear Lord, leave the boy alone, you both are in real trouble but that can wait, Ms. Parkinson, help me take the boy back to the infirmary," said Madame Pomfrey with an alarmed voice

"What happened?" Harry asked once they were alone again.

"I don't really know, I arrived when Theo was already there with Pansy and Draco, and then I heard him say something like 'how does it feel to be the chosen one's bitch, and if he screamed the same way with you like how he did with him' and I just lost it and punched him in the face"

"Where's Draco?" anxiety started to invade Harry's body and Blaise's face fell as well

"I don't know, he ran when Theo dropped his wrist due me punching him, shit,"

"You check the Astronomy tower and I'll check Myrtle's bathroom, those are the only places he likes to go when he's sad, send a message if you find him," said Harry and started to run to the bathroom.

Once there, he heard soft sobs and sighed, at least he found him, he sent a patronus so that Blaise could be calm and entered the room. The sight wasn't pretty, there was blood in both of Draco's arms and his face was full of tears, Myrtle was next to him trying to calm him down, but failing horribly at it.

"Get out of here! Last time you tried to kill him!" she shouted him once she saw him, this only made Draco cried harder.

"It's okay, that was a mistake, we're together now, I need you to go and look for Hermione please," Harry begged and once she doubled check this information with the pale boy and he nodded she exited the bathroom.

"Why are you here?" Draco asked in a broken voice

"Because you're hurt, and I was worried"

"Stop lying, I hate when people lie!" Draco shouted as he scratched his arms, Harry wasn't sure if he was trying to make the cuts bleed more or if this was just his anxiety acting up

"I'm not lying, and you know that love, may I sit next to you?" Harry hated when this happened, he hated having to tip-toe around his boyfriend in order to not make things worse.

"Are you going to finish the job?" the blond asked once Harry was next to him. "I need you to finish the job Harry, please do it," he was hysterical, his hands were trembling so much as he grabbed Harry's sweater

"What job Draco?" Harry asked confused as he took Draco's hands on his own

"To kill me, please kill me, end-all of this Harry, if you love me say that pretty spell and let me bleed out, please," Draco cried, his eyes were unfocused and he started to cough.

"Draco I need you to calm down, you're going to choke yourself like this," but the other boy wasn't listening, "Draco, you have until I count to 3 to look into my eyes, am I clear?" dominance was clear in his voice, but not enough for the other boy to register it the wrong way

 _1_ The words didn't seem to make a lot of sense to the other boy.

 _2_ Draco's breathing became way quicker than before and Harry was afraid that he was gonna pass out

 _3_ And with that a pair of grey eyes looked directly into his green ones.

"Can you try and breathe with me, love? See how I do it? Try to do it like that, please," the blond one tried to do as told, coughing while trying to mimic Harry's breathing, but after a full minute, he managed to succeed. "You are doing so good love, so well, can you let me know if you're feeling light-headed?" Harry asked, he started to wonder what was taking Hermione so long, but calmed a little when Draco shook his head no. 

"Cold," the pale boy stuttered and Harry took off his sweater and wrapped Draco in it, trying to not touch Draco's cuts that, even if they weren't bleeding anymore, would sting if he did so.

"Better?" he asked and Draco nodded.

"Harry!" Hermione arrived, and McGonnagall was right behind her.

"I think you have a lot to explain Potter," was all that the headmistress said.

* * *

"I don't think it's my place to explain all this professor," was the first thing Draco listed once he woke up

"Well, either you start talking or I don't know what I'm going to do because Nott's father is not going to be happy once he finds out his son was beaten half to death by you and Mr. Zabini"

"In Harry's defence, I was the one that beat Theo, Harry just hexed that idiot" 

"What's going on?" Draco finally asked and he immediately had his boyfriend on his side taking his hand.

"How are you feeling love?"

"I'm okay, just a little bit light-headed"

"Well, that's normal considering the blood loss Mr. Malfoy, why don't you go and ask Madame Pomfrey for the potions Ms. Granger?"

"Yes professor," said Hermione and left them alone.

"I'm afraid that you'll need to ask some questions regarding today's events, but for now I'll let you rest, 100 points from Gryffindor and Slytherin, tomorrow expect a letter for you to go to my office, goodnight boys"

"I'll leave you two alone, see you tomorrow Draco, I'll let Pansy know you're okay," Blaise half-smiled and left the infirmary.

"Quite a scare you gave us Mr. Malfoy, the good news is that it was nothing too bad so I can fix it, at least what hurts in your body, the mind is out of my league," she handed him 3 potions, which he took while Hermione said goodbye and left the infirmary as well. "I'll leave you two alone for a couple of minutes, but after that, I want you gone as well Mr. Potter, your boyfriend needs to rest."

"Are you sure you're okay?" Harry asked again, and honestly, Draco couldn't blame him

"I'm okay, I'm sorry for being such a trouble again, sometimes I wonder why you put up with me"

"First of all, I don't put up with you, I do all of this because I care and because I love you, and second of all, I do it because you're worthy Draco, even if you don't believe it now one day you'll see how much you're worth it." Harry teared up and Draco dried the tears with his thumb, caressing the green-eyed boy's cheek.

"I love you"

"I love you more," said Harry and kisses him. "I think I'm ready for that talk if you're too"

And yeah, Draco was ready for that talk, he has been ready since he got a tattoo, but that didn't mean he wasn't nervous of having it.

"I wanted to apologize, I didn't know what that spell did and yet I used it on you, it's one of the few things I regret in life, and I'm not saying this because we're together now, I wanted to apologize since day one, but I never knew how," Harry paused, "I figured that 'sorry I almost killed you' sounded too bad and then a lot of shit happened so yeah.."

"I was never angry with you, you know? I was so grateful once you did it that I wanted to say thank you, I was gonna throw myself out from the Astronomy tower one of those days, either way, so you technically made my life easier, I got so angry at Snape for saving me that he almost took me to St. Mongo's"

"Oh dear, I'm still sorry though, I wouldn't have forgiven myself if I had killed you that day, I still can't forgive myself knowing that some of the scars you have are because of me."

"I only have one scar left, the other ones disappeared with potions and lotions, do you want to see it?"

Harry nodded and Draco lifted his shirt, there was a big scar across his chest, near his heart. It was full of hatred and misunderstandings. Harry's trembling hands traced the scar and a couple of tears hit his bare chest.

"I forgive you Harry, please forgive yourself, because I don't think we can be happy if we don't let go of a lot of things we did in the past, okay?"

"Okay," and they kissed again, "so just you know, my amortentia smelled like mint and apples, I never knew why until I smelled you in the mornings"

And maybe they weren't totally okay, but at least they were getting there, right?


	15. King

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Draco really tries to be what he wishes he was  
> Or where Harry finally opens up about things he never told anyone.
> 
> Song Chapter: King by Lauren Aquilina

**Here we go again hahaha, soooo, I really love this chapter because I really feel like Draco and Ginny have some things in common, but yeah, enjoy. Also, Ginny in the books has hazel eyes, but in the movies, she has blue ones, I'll stick with the hazel ones because I feel it suit her best.**

_First dose_

Draco knew this was a stupid idea, don't get him wrong, he was totally capable of seeing how this could fail badly and exposed once again how little he cared about himself. Then again Draco was never known for making good decisions, let's remember how he took the dark mark and how he used to bully every single kid that crossed his way. But he also knew that he was tired of being a nuisance for everyone and that he needed to be careful with how much magic he was using to cover up his feeling and appearance overall because at the moment any side effects appeared, Hermione or Blaise would notice the stupid things that he did and Draco wasn’t in the mood for being scolded so he needed a plan for everyone to be distracted.

“We should play a quidditch match today, it’s been a while and I miss beating you at quidditch,” said Draco as he sat on the Gryffindor table, he had just ingested an elixir to induce euphoria and he was praying for not having any side effects, he just wanted to feel happy even if it wasn't real.

"Oh c'mon, you're good but we never managed to beat Gryffindor when Harry played," said Blaise and Draco gasped

"How dare you, I don't remember losing, never," he joked while Ron was trying to swallow his food to speak

"Well, you won't be able to forget after today cause you're going down Malfoy," said Ron and so the fame was on.

So far no one had noticed anything, then again once you start to do alright people start to notice fewer things about you. Like how these past two weeks he had been using glamour to cover up how badly he had been sleeping, or how he only ate at breakfast and dinner, and never too much, just enough. Because that was Draco's current goal, he wanted to be just enough for people to stay, just enough for Harry to keep loving him and just enough so he could graduate.

"You used to be better at casting glamour spells, you know?" said Pansy when they arrived to the classroom. "And I don't really know why you bother putting them on, when you know damn well it doesn't work when people are truly watching you, and if you think that just because we avoid talking about certain things means that we don't care then you don't know us at all Draco, so cut the bullshit and tell what's going on"

Pasy was never good at sugar coating things, it was one of the many things Draco always loved about her, but he didn't remember her words stinging this much in the past. Maybe because most of the time her honesty wasn't directed at him, because he was the perfect Slytherin prince and didn't need to be reminded on how to be perfect, or maybe because he was always too scared of receiving them so he tried not to mess thing up around her, which would explain why they drift apart during the 6th year. 

"And don't you dare tell me that you're fine, because I can clearly see you're not, you haven't been in a long time and even if it got somewhat better since you returned from winter holidays you're acting weird, and they whole panic attack with Theo has got me thinking he's part of this whole mess you're turning yourself into, again."

Draco didn't know what to answer, lately, he rarely did. Gladly the professor entered and the class started, but the words that Pansy said were left hanging on his mind. Would it be so wrong if she knew the truth? How bad would it be for anybody to see the truth? He had the opportunity to come out and tell the truth to McGonagall last week when they spoke about the whole bathroom situation, but he got too scared. What if she saw through him and decided that he might enjoy it a little bit too much, or that he wasn't clear enough when he said 'no'. What if she said that they were engaged after all... and that a good fiancé doesn't get to say no to their partners because that's not what a good pureblood does?

"I'm afraid that if you find out what's going on with me you'll think I'm dirty and won't want me anymore, and I know it's not true, that you wouldn't do that but you have to understand that my anxiety is so bad that I can't think of a better scenario," explained Draco once the classroom was empty. "And I know that I'm not doing the right thing by not speaking up but I'm so scared, and I'm not ready to be seen with more pity than usual, I just miss being me."

"Well, people change Draco, and that's okay. What it's on us is if whether we want to do good or bad changes, and so far it feels like you're stuck being what people expect you to be rather than what you are, I can't keep going pretending that you're fine, because that's not what a true friend is, so if I were you I would get my shit together before other got theirs and leave you behind," said that black-haired girl and left the classroom, her firm steps resonated in the empty room just like her words did on his empty soul.

_Second dose_

Draco felt blue, he always felt blue and sometimes grey, just when he was with Harry he felt yellow and red. But he was angry, he hated that not even potions could make him feel happy, did he did it wrong? Maybe he added too much peppermint in his try to counter the side effects, he learned this from Snape but lately, his mind has been drowsy and nothing really makes sense. What could go wrong if he took a second those? There hasn't been a case of overdosing by this elixir, what's a little bit more happiness when you have none left?

He needed to practice his flying, it's been months since he has been on a broom and he wasn't going to let those Gryffindors win, he was still a Slytherin and cunning as hell. But maybe he needed to eat something first, either the dizziness was due to the lack of sleep or the lack of food, you make the choice. He should talk to someone about what was on his mind, someone who wouldn't judge him nor tell him what to do, just someone.

"Why I always find you in the middle of a conflict between what you want and what you think you deserve?" a voice said behind him startling the hell out of the boy.

"Why must you always try to give me a heart attack?" 

"Sorry, I have light feet, when you grow up in a home full of people you learn to make as little noise as possible," answered Ginny with a smile

"You also learn that when you live in a house full of death-eaters," muttered Draco and regretted doing it, anytime he talked about that time of his life people either told him he deserved bein scared of it because he chose that path or they gave him a glance full of pitty and changed topics. 

"Well, it's always good to know how to be sneaky, am I right?" the girl never failed to amaze him, he couldn't understand how Harry let her go… well he did but still, she was a catch and Luna was so lucky to have her. "I am as lucky as she is, it's like fire and ice, together we make a cosy environment, you speak out loud sometimes," she laughed and offered him her hand.

"Where are we going?" Draco asked as he took it

"Well, I have no classes left and you don't either, and I'm kinda hungry so let's go to the kitchens, I'm feeling adventurous today"

And so they began their journey, Draco felt weird being alone with her, but he also felt so at ease, it was like it was them against the world, everyone was looking at them but not because she was with an ex-death eater, but because _Draco_ was with Ginny Weasley, the gorgeous red-hair, the badass Weasley, the brave girl, the girlfriend of the loony Ravenclaw. It felt good to not be the centre of attention because even when he wasn't while being with Harry, the attention they received was different.

"Do you know how to cook? I've been craving my mom's Treacle pudding and even if the house-elves one is pretty good nothing like doing it with the secret recipe," she said once they arrived at the kitchen.

"Well, I tried cooking meringues with Harry during the holidays but it ended up being a mess, they tasted good but looked awful," smiled Draco at the memory

"Well, mom always said it's not about the way it looks but the way it tastes so today, you're going to learn the famous Weasley recipe of Treacle pudding," she announced and proceeded to ask for all the ingredients to the house-elves, constantly reassuring them that she was okay doing it and giving them a couple of galleons as thanks for their help. "Once Hermione gives you the talk about SPEW there's no going back," she said jokingly but with pain behind her eyes, which made him laugh.

Draco learned that cooking was a lot more alike to potions than he realized, and he loved learning from Ginny, she was so funny and loved to joke around, it reminded him of the twins which always made him laugh with all the pranks they pulled, but he was too proud to admit it back then, what a shame if only he could do things differently.

"Well, you're a lot more useful than Ron who keeps eating the ingredients and than Hermione who gets crazy over the fact that cooking is more about feeling than measuring things," Ginny said while they sat at the kitchen table, he took his first bite and moan at how good it was.

"This is hands down the best thing I've ever eat in my whole life,"

"Even above all that fancy chocolates that you used to eat?"

"Oh yeah, this is way better, it tastes like home"

"It really does, am I right? When I feel homesick I come down here to do it, I started doing it because it was one of Harry's favourites but then Harry became part of my family so I just did it to feel closer to home"

"I never had something like that, the closest thing I had was those chocolates that my mother used to send me, but then with the war that stopped and so my good memories around my house"

"I can't imagine what you've been through, most people forget that always had two sides and that either of them is good, Luna never tells me much because she feels like it's not her place to do so, and I know you don't talk about it either, which I get because I don't really like to talk about it, but I also know that once you talk about it you accept that it happened and your healing progress begins," she paused and locked her hazel eyes with his grey ones. "It's not going to be easy, but I know something happened and got you scared again, you were doing so well and got back into your shell, and that's okay because it's your progress, not mine, nor Pansy's nor Harry's, just yours Draco, don't forget that."

"What if I take too long? What if people get tired of it?"

"Well, people who really love you stick around for the better and the worse, I've learned it the hard way and I'm sure you have too, just think about it," she hugged him for a few seconds and let go. "You can take the rest of it, I'm sure Harry would love to eat that out of you," and with that, she left him there blushing like crazy. But he did take the leftovers and started to walk over the common room, but on his way, he recognized someone and stopped abruptly, he felt scared and anxious, but he also remembered what Ginny said, maybe it was time to start letting go some baggage and do what he should have done since the beginning.

_Third dose_

"Well, well look what wind bring over," said Theo once he noticed Draco. "I think you and I have some business yet to be attended"

"Yeah, I think we do," answered Draco, he tried to embody the persona he once was, all the Malfoy aura returned for just a second which seem to surprise Theo.

"Feisty, aren't we? I'm surprised you're this brave without your bodyguards"

"If I remember correctly, I never needed bodyguards around you, because when it comes to magic you're completely useless"

"Don't play with fire, you already know how bad it burns," and that sent shivers down his spine, but tried to shake it off

"Why are you like this? Why are you gaining from this Theo?" Draco dared to ask, he wasn't ready for the answers but this stupid confidence won't last forever, not for a long time at least.

"Well, when the King of Slytherin is served to you in a silver plate is hard to not take a bit, and when the Malfoy's hands you the heir in a red ribbon you don't say no," said Theo with a cocky attitude.

"And then what? You get the money, that you don't need and a status that you also don't need, instead you're left with a person who despises you and ties you in a marriage neither of us really wants."

"Oh, but that's where you're wrong Draco, I'm left with a bitch who helps me relieve my needs while looking pretty beside me, and I get to make your life miserable for being a failure, just like your father, at following the Dark Lords wishes," the boy got dangerously close to Malfoy but he didn't coward

"He's dead, you're just taking revenge over something that it's over, get over the past Theo, just because you got your way with me doesn't mean I'll allow it again, also, say goodbye to your pretty status because I will end you," answered Draco while taking a step away from him.

"I would like to see you try."

And with that Draco smiled softly and walked away from Theo, sending Clouds to search Harry so he could meet him at McGonagall's office, he was ready to do what he should have done months ago, he was not afraid, he was ready, he was... he was feeling the emotions getting back to him, the fear and anxiety, his heart began to beat way faster than usual and his vision began to blur.

_2 pm Fourth dose_

"Dear good, I almost passed out when I saw that damn dragon, I thought you were hurt," was the first thing Harry said when he saw Draco standing outside the office

"Chill love, you're out of breath," Draco laughed lightly and kissed Harry's cheek.

"Sorry, just... need to get used to seeing Clouds without fearing the worst, a force of habit I guess." His boyfriend smiled and then looked at the small package Draco had in his hands. "What do you have there? Is it for me?" Harry asked excited, it reminded him of Teddy and his heart fluttered at it.

"Yes it is, but first I need your emotional support, I think I'm ready to talk about what happened with Theo," Draco said with all the confidence he managed and Harry tried to cover his surprise with a smile and offered him his hand, which Draco gladly took.

"Together?" 

"Together"

And so together they did it, Professor McGonagall listened to all of it, she stayed quiet during Draco's small breakdowns, she didn't make any comment nor reaction, she let Harry get angry again over all of this and she let them finished before she sighed and got up from her chair. She walked over a small table and prepared herself a cup of tea, and then proceeded to drowned it in one gulp. 

"Well, I believe I must contact an auror, I believe Kingsley would gladly take this case, also I should let him know about Nott's affiliations with the Dark Lord, his father managed to stay out of the mess, but apparently his son did not, I'm glad we have enough proof for his trial, oh and let's not forget about how I will write the best letter in my life to inform everyone that Mr. Theodore Nott is expelled from this school," she finished with a smile. "Am I missing something?" 

"I believe not Professor," answered Harry on behalf of him, because honestly Draco was just too shocked because people tend not to believe him, not that he hadn't given people reasons to not believe him, but still this feeling was so foreign yet so amazing.

"Well, then you can leave guys, I have things to do, letters to write and meetings to attend, take a candy while you see yourself out," and so they ended up outside of the headmistress with candy in hand and a smile on their faces.

"I can't believe I just did that," was the first thing either of them said while walking back to the common room.

"Me neither, but I'm glad you let me be part of it," answered Harry while putting his arm around Draco. "Now about that package."

_4 pm Fifth dose_

"Are you ready to lose?" teased Ron and Draco laughed

"I don't know, you tell me"

So, it was Ron, Ginny and Harry vs Draco, Pansy and Blaise.

Pansy was there as support, trying to be a keeper. She was smart and had good reflexes so he had high hopes.

The game laws really good, Ginny was really good but so was Blaise, and that stupid snitch was really good at hiding, but then he saw the golden object, but so did Harry and let's be honest, he was a Slytherin before he was Harry's boyfriend so a little bit of cheating never hurt anybody.

"Harry! We should have left some of that treacle pudding, Ginny gave me some ideas that included one of us eating it out from some interesting places," and when Harry stopped shocked at Dracos words and blushing even harder than he did earlier that day, the blond went fro the snitch catching it and finishing the game.

"That's not fair! You can't flirt with Harry, he's weak!" screamed Ron once they were all down their brooms.

"Oh yeah? Show me that rule!" Draco said with a smirked and Ginny just laughed.

"It's not Draco's fault that you guys can't think of two things at the same time," said the red-haired girl and got back to his conversation with Pansy and Blaise while Ron ran to Hermione so he could complain a bit more.

"Good game Malfoy," said Harry while offering his hand

"Likewise Potter," answered Draco while shaking it.

It was late already, the game lasted a bit more than anticipated and while they were heading back to the castle Draco felt his heartbeat too fast again, and his vision blur as well, he knew this was wrong but today had been so good and he didn't want to ruined it. 

"Are you okay, love? You look a little bit pale," asked Harry when he noticed Draco's pace had slowed down.

"Yeah, just a bit tired," Draco stuttered back and force himself to pick up the pace.

"Are you sure?" And the blond really wanted to answer but his ears start ringing too loud and everything was in slow-motion and then... nothing.

_9 pm zero doses_

Draco woke up in the infirmary, where once this strong euphoria was nothing, he felt numb. He was scared of opening his eyes because he could feel Harry's scent next to him, and he was too scared of confrontation.

"I know you're awake Draco," said Harry and Draco sighed and opened his eyes. "How are you feeling, love?"

"I'm sorry, I fucked up again, I'm so sorry," Draco began to cry and Harry looked at him with soft eyes and sat in the bed so he could hug him.

"You don't have to apologize, I know you're trying Draco and no recovery is lineal, I know you're gonna fuck up as much as I'm gonna do it, just please don't shut me down."

"I didn't think this would get wrong, it was a safe choice," Draco began to explain and Harry hugged him tighter.

"Draco, it's okay, I promise,"

"I just feel like I'm the fucked up in this relationship and I'm afraid I'm pulling you down with me," explained Draco against Harry's chest and he felt the other boy sigh and pulled away a little, Harry laid down properly beside him and hugged him again.

"I had a part of Voldemort soul in me, you know? And I sometimes wonder if that's why I was so brave sometimes, or well... Reckless. Sometimes I felt this horrible hate inside me and during the war, it got worse, because not only I had to deal with everyone's expectations, and my own fear but also his emotions, his fear and anger." Harry stopped and Draco cleaned a tear from the tanned boy. "I hated it so much, but what I hated the most was when he allowed me to see through his eyes, because I got to see what it was like to be feared and somewhat respected, and it scared me that I kinda liked it at times because I figured my life would be so much easier if people treated me like that, but now I know that I would've hated if people treated me like that because I hate being special."

"But you're special Harry, you've always been special"

"And that's why I love being with you, because I've always just wanted to be me, not the chosen one or the golden boy, and when I'm with you Draco, I'm just me, because you see me as who I am and not as who I am supposed to be, so please don't try to be what you think I want, because if I get to be me then you should get to be just you as well."

"I love you so much, you can't even imagine how much"

"Right back at you, love, I love you so much."

_10 pm one confession later, they both felt asleep._

**HOLY SHIT, 3806 words, I'm shook**


	16. we fell in love in october

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where they fell in love in october  
> and everything turned out to be alright
> 
> Song chapter: we fell in love in October by Girl in Red

**Little fluffy chapter to distract me because depression hit hard and I'm tired of reading fanfics with the Major character death filter on. Also, I had exams and school is taking over my life (again).**

Harry loved to remember, some of his memories haunted him in all the bad ways but others bring smiles and happy tears to his eyes. One of his favourite moments was his first Quidditch game, or when he saw Ron and Hermione sitting at the Gryffindor table waiting for him on the last day of his first year. He also loved remembering his first Christmas with the Weasleys and how warm and full of love he felt around them, he even liked the brother-like arguments he had with Ron or the twins and he found it hilarious that everyone was terrified of Ginny for all the right reasons. He loved his friends and all the cool little adventures they had, and now one of his favourite memories was seeing Draco in the morning with his messy hair and puffy eyes, or how he only showed his true smile around people he trusted.

"Sometimes I don't really believe all this has happened, you know?" said Draco as Harry braided his, now, long-ish silver hair. 

"What? The fact that you are dating the saviour of the world or that you manage to be friends with Ginny Weasley?” joked Harry while finishing the braid, and wondering whether he could put some daisies there without Draco noticing.

“I mean, yeah, both, but also I find it really weird that I get to make a decision and then expect a good result out of it, like I can talk with Hermione and not expect a punch in the face or how I can kiss you and not get hexed in the spot."

"I like it too, but you know what I love the most? How pretty you are, and how confident you've gotten over this months, that you decided to take charge of your life again and let me be part of it," Harry smiles while kissing Draco's temple, "but what I love the most is how you look with flowers in your head because you remind me of a nymph"

"Did you just compared me to a magical creature Potter?"

"Maybe, but a very pretty one at least" they both laughed at it and Draco turned around and kissed Harry on the lips.

"You're a dork, but sadly I'm in love with you."

Valentine’s day had been a couple of days ago and the dark-haired boy loved how excited his boyfriend was with all the chocolate he received, even Teddy sent him a box along a Pokemon plushie, which Harry had to explain to Draco what was and the later boy found it adorable that Teddy related Celebi with him. Harry then justified himself saying that he wasn't the only one who thought of Draco as a fairy-like creature and Draco just rolled his eyes explaining that Teddy related him to it because, and quoting his words, 'Celebi is related to good times and prosperity and ever since you showed of Andy and Harry seem very much happier and he was really grateful for it.'

Stupid kid, he was stealing his boyfriend with cute words, not that he was wrong, but still. Ever since Draco entered Harry's life a lot of things seemed to change for the better, first one was that for the first time in his life he learned how magic money and Gringotts worked; he also learned that the Prophet might be a stupid-ass newspaper full of lies, but when needed it could be very useful (like when he needed people to understand that he wasn't under a love potion or being blackmailed by Draco). And finally he began to understand that nothing was black or white, rather grey, even when he didn't agree with a lot of pureblood traditions Harry now understands the reasons behind them, and well, sometimes it makes sense.

But not everything was about Harry, Draco also had his journey, ever since Theo was out of the picture the blond seemed a lot freer than before, his confidence grew and what once was arrogance was replaced with understanding and empathy. Draco was nothing like he used to be, it's almost as he had died and this was a brand new person. And whilst Harry found horrible that thought, it made a lot of sense, because people can't just change every single detail about them, what they can do is pretend to be what others expect to be and that was exactly what Draco had been doing all this past years.

"I have a present, I was too scared to give it to you but then I remembered that moo-vie we watched, Tangled? And Rapunzel would not be proud of me if I hold back just because I'm afraid," Draco said in a quiet voice catching Harry's attention, they had been finishing their potions essay for the last hour and now the common room was empty aside from a couple of Ravenclaws. 

"Oh really? What is it?" Harry tried to play it cool making Draco laugh, he never succeed to play it cool but just listening to that laugh was enough for him to call it a victory

"Close your eyes and hand me your hands," and so Harry did, a minute after he felt something small and cold in his hands, it felt too small for a snitch but too big for an earring. "You can open them now," the nervousness was clear as da in the blond's voice, so Harry opened his eyes calmly and looked at his hands.

_a gold ring_

"Hermione said that it was common in the muggle world to give one's parter a promise ring, so that way the relationship felt way more real but not so much as marriage, and of course I want to marry you and have 20 kids but we're too young for that and this seemed apropied, I like the thought of people knowing you're mine _mine_ , not just 'a partner'" Draco was blushing deeply while giving his rant, "but if you don't like it I can just-"

Harry smashed his lips against the blonds’ ones, it was kind of messy but felt perfect anyways, they both got so into it that for a minute breathing was unimportant, until it was and they had to break it off. 

"Draco Lucius Malfoy, I would love to spend the rest of my life with you, but for now I would love to spend as much time as I can with you"

"So do I, so do I," mumbled Draco against Harry's lips and they began to kiss again, and if it wasn't because one of the Ravenclaw girls threw a book to them yelling for them to get a room, Draco was pretty sure Harry's lips wasn't going to be the only thing he would be tasting that night.


End file.
